Thursday, July 17, 2008

#104 SECRET AGENT Are You Hooked?

TITLE: THE VERY HUNGRY GIANT
GENRE: Picture book


Deep in a dark cave, a Giant awoke from a long sleep. The Giant yawned and rubbed his eyes. He heard a grumbling sound. It was his stomach.

“I am very hungry,” the Giant said. No one heard him. He lived alone, as giants do.

The Giant’s stomach grumbled again. He left his cave to find something to eat.

The Giant climbed over tall mountains and stomped across green valleys.

He found a girl with curly brown hair sitting in a meadow.

“I am very hungry!” The Giant roared. “And I am going to eat you!”

“Don’t eat me,” the girl said. “Why don’t we play follow-the-leader instead

“Play?” The Giant was confused. No one had ever asked him to play.

“Please?” the girl asked.

“All right,” the Giant said. “We can play for a while and then I will eat you.”

First the girl was the leader. Next it was the Giant’s turn. They ran and jumped and twirled through the meadow until they were tired.

The Giant and the girl sat and watched the butterflies float from flower to flower.

“I suppose it is time for me to eat you now,” the Giant said.

“I suppose so,” the girl frowned.

21 comments:

  1. I'm sorry.... no.

    This reminded me a little bit of the Gentle Giant (If I'm thinking of the right story). So there is something here, I think.

    The problem is that I couldn't see giants running and twirling around meadows without causing an earthquake or accidentally stepping on the girl... :)

    And I think the girl could have been filled in a little more character-wise...

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  2. Too long. A play on a very old theme. PB's are poetry even when they aren't in verse. This isn't tight enough.

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  3. The shorter the better for PBs. Story isn't original enough and neither the girl or the giant feel three-dimensional. Might work with revision if you gave the girl and the Giant motivations/needs that would make them unique--i.e a giant who didn't really want to eat people or a little girl who wanted a friend even if he was a child-eating giant.

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  4. The shorter the better for PBs. Story isn't original enough and neither the girl or the giant feel three-dimensional. Might work with revision if you gave the girl and the Giant motivations/needs that would make them unique--i.e a giant who didn't really want to eat people or a little girl who wanted a friend even if he was a child-eating giant.

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  5. This is adorable. I'm thinking pictures would describe these two, but I'd like to know more about the girl and why she's in the meadow before the two start to play. A few holes need filling to make it a proper first page.

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  6. Well, I'm hooked by the concept. Would like to see more before I tried to comment - mostly because I think an overall story arc commentary might prove more helpful. I do have to wonder at the girl with no fear of being eaten by a giant. You could address this through quick dialogue. You're missing punctuation after "instead", for what it's worth.

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  7. I'm with you up until the Giant finds the girl. At this point I feel that the story gets too predictable. The end may have a twist but at this point I would have to say no.

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  8. I'm sorry, but I don't think this story is original in any way.

    I would not purchase it.

    You need a fresher topic. Reminded me of the 3 Billy Goats Gruff.

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  9. Seems a bit cliched. It's pretty obvious he's not actually going to eat her-- he'll have a change of heart, or they'll have peanut butter sandwiches together, or something. I also think that using "the girl" and "the Giant" instead of names makes it hard to identify with the characters. And why is the girl so agreeable to being eaten? Also, be careful-- in the last sentence you have the girl frowning some words instead of saying them. It should be: "I suppose so." The girl frowned.

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  10. Afraid not. Just to be different, this reminded me of the scene in the novel Frankenstein where the monster comes across the girl pickign flowers in a meadow, they play together, and he accidently kills her.

    So yeah, not really finding unique elements here.

    Plus, I found a gramamr typo:
    “Don’t eat me,” the girl said. “Why don’t we play follow-the-leader instead -- missing ending punctuation marks.

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  11. Sorry, I just don't like the idea of
    a giant eating a little girl in a
    picture book.

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  12. Not really. The characters seem a bit flat to me, and lacking in motivation. What was the little (nameless) girl doing in the meadow? Where did the Giant come from, and why did he automatically decide to be carnivorous, as opposed to vegetarian? I don't really get a sense of who the girl and the giant are, just what's happening to them, and that isn't enough to hook me, sorry.

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  13. No. It reminds me too much of a certain three goats and a troll. The girl making excuses not to be eaten is the exact same concept. Is the little girl all alone in the meadow? Where are her mother and friends? The giant feels too common -- make something about him different and unique, and I'd be more interested in reading further.

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  14. I'm a sucker for picture books, and rate them on readaloudability (yes, I just made that up) for the very young. I really like the beginning. I like it all the way through to the two of them sitting and watching butterflies. I was hoping that the girl (being more clever than the Giant) would find a way to make the game a bit tricky so that the Giant forgets his original purpose or something to that effect. I think kids vicariously like to be in control in such stories and the Giant, having a wicked intent, needs to be dealt with properly. I think your PB has plenty of potential!

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  15. I liked it. I can imagine it with cute pictures and I have no doubt that the girl will find a way to feed the giant without being eaten. Yes, that might mean it's an old idea, but that doesn't mean kids won't like it.
    If you work on your dialog, use a few contractions, it will sound less 'Billy Goat Gruff' I think. And give the little girl a name, maybe?

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  16. Ah! Keli read my mind.

    I liked it, but the plot needed to thicken a little. The characters were very flat. Their playing whizzed by, I hoped that the girl would make the Giant forget he wanted to eat her by coming up with so many games to play.

    However, since the giant saw the girl and thought of her as food I'm not sure what to make of the giant. Has he been eating people before? How's he going to find something to eat without eating helpless animals and people (i'd think that wouldn't go down well with kiddies)? Maybe the girl can teach him to eat plants (veggies).

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  17. Cute. But "frowned" isn't a form of speech. I would read on... if I were younger.

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  18. It seems a little cliched - if it looked like it was going to have a twist, maybe, but as it stands, no. Sorry.

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  19. Not quite. This feels very familiar and a bit overlong for a pb, sorry to say. I'd hoped for a more unique look at a giant.

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  20. Not really. It's cute, but as others have said, I'd like to see more uniqueness right away because it seems predictable so far.

    Good luck,

    ~Merc

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  21. I think the opening with the giant waking up is a bit slow... I'd rather see the story begin several paragraphs later with looking for his meal. Waking up doesn't add anything and it's not really interesting.

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