Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Drop The Needle 6

Title: Book of the Baba Yaga
Genre: Y/A Adventure/Fantasy

Sam covered her eyes. Maybe the doll would be gone when she looked again.

"Sa-man-tha! Just because you can't see me doesn't mean I can't see you!"

“Excuse me!” Sam dropped her hands and opened her eyes. “How did you get here? Tell me right now or I’ll call Teresa!”

“You should lock your car when you go out,” Will said. “It’s elementary, really.”

Sam’s heart began to pound. Standing, she moved toward the door on shaky legs and grasped the doorknob. It wouldn’t budge.

“Let me out!” She turned toward the doll. “Open this, now!”

“No,” Will replied calmly.

“What do you want from me?”

“Well, I could tell you, but I think I know someone who could do a better job.” He walked toward Sam. She shrank against the door. Her pendant grew hot and she grasped it almost involuntarily. It came loose from her neck.

“Give it to me,” Will whispered.

“Don’t come any closer.” Sam dropped the pendant on the floor between them. Will picked it up and exhaled violently, closing his eyes. He crooned a low melody under his breath. The sphere in the center grew bright red as a tiny black circle appeared on the wall behind him. Will sang louder. The circle grew larger and larger until it was the size of a portrait.

Sam’s legs collapsed underneath her as a woman appeared in the circle. She had curly brown hair, similar to Sam’s own.



  1. For me this would be horror! I want to hide behind my pillow. Will is really scary! I think he's the secondary character :) Scared me....

  2. Will is a doll? Did I get that right? Sounds a little Chucky/freaky to me! However he certainly got my attention.

  3. I'm also under the impression that Will is the doll. If so, that's just darn creepy in itself. His aggressive dialogue really finishes off the effect.

  4. Yeah, this was creepy, too. But apart from Will being a living, somewhat scary doll, I don't get much more of a view of him.

  5. Yeah, I also think Will is a doll. Scary doll!

    I didn't get too much of a handle on him. I think the bit that tells me the most about his character is the first line of dialogue (Sa-man-that - I just love that). After that, he seems a little generic (other than being a doll eek!) but then there are only so many ways to threaten someone.

  6. I get the sense of Sam's fear of Will. He obviously has some sort of powers, but I didn't get much of a feel for him. Why did he frighten her? Was it his looks (which we don't really get to see here) or some past experience?

  7. Creepy! I think Will's first line and the line where he demands the pendant helped define his character.

    I think the mention that he is a doll goes a long way to make him stand out in this particular piece, but as far as 'what kind' of a doll (snarky, mean, funny), he's somewhat undefined.

  8. Is Will the SC? Him being a doll freaks me out. He seems demanding and unconcerned with frightening Sam. I couldn't picture much else about him, since the scene focus a lot on Sam being scared.

  9. Very interesting and engaging. Ditto on Will being scary-- but that's the whole point, right? :)

  10. Will is definitely a strong character in this scene, doll or not. There's also a couple other powerful things going on with the pendant and the image of her mom. Is her mother missing/deceased? It's interesting enough to make me want to read more.

  11. Will is definitely creepy. His dialogue does seem to go from unique to more generic by the end. I hope he has more of a part than just to open the portal (or whatever).

    The more I read from this book, the more I want to continue. :-)

  12. Will's dialogue is great and this scene works. I just couldn't help nitpicking that maybe I wouldn't have guessed he was a doll if you hadn't said so.

    For pure nitpicking sake... maybe drop little reminders - like in his movement or the way his mouth moves or his glassy eyes shifting to lock with her eyes.

  13. Oh my. Creepy doll. Yes he works. But I like him about as much as I like creepy clowns.
    And spiders, mustn't forget spiders...
    Nice choice if you were trying to give the reader the heebie-jeebies.

  14. Intriguing bit, for sure.

    I agree that a description or two along the way to make it clear that Will is a doll would make it even creepier.

    I'm not sure why Sam shouts "Excuse me!" at the beginning. It seems kind of familiar... like she interacts with this doll all the time, but I don't get that impression from the rest of their interation.

  15. Wow...this is quite creepy! Are you sure you got the right genre? :-)