Title: I Quit
Genre: Middle-Grade. Realistic Fiction
Joey walked in without saying anything, but Miss Sue knew he was there.
“Why, hello, Joey!” said Miss Sue in an extra-cheery voice. “You’re my first customer today.” Joey glanced at the clock on the wall that read 4:30.
“How can I help you?”
Joey shrugged his shoulders.
“Well, you must have come in for some reason. Did you just want to say hello?” suggested Miss Sue. Her curly grey hair was pulled back into a bun, but several uncooperative strands had escaped being tied up. Her soft blue sparkling eyes peered over her half-lens spectacles. She knew that Joey didn’t frequent the library, and certainly never visited for pleasure.
Joey stared blankly at Miss Sue.
She politely explained that she had work to do, and told him to let her know if he needed any help.
Joey remained glued to the floor in front of Miss Sue’s desk, unable to mutter anything coherent. Help? Yes, he needed help. But he didn’t even know where to begin.
He watched Miss Sue do her work, quietly humming and occasionally mumbling to herself. She busily tapped away at the computer, stacked books for re-shelving, and tidied things up. As she worked, Joey noticed that Miss Sue had an air about her, something that seemed to drive her, to keep her moving. She kept an even steady pace: Working, working, working.
I think its Miss Sue, and she's very real :)
ReplyDeleteMiss Sue is you SC.
ReplyDeleteHeh. She sounds like the little old lady in the children's section of my library. This came to mind immediately - or at the second paragraph.
So I read on and see I was right on the money, and so were you. Nice job. I can see this lady.
I like Miss Sue. She seems real and I can clearly imagine her. Her personality comes out well in this scene: hard-working and nice.
ReplyDeleteI get a sense of who Miss Sue is from the paragraph - typical librarian - although I find that between the half-glasses and the bun she's a little stereotypical.
ReplyDeleteGood job. It does appear that Miss Sue does have typical librarian traits... maybe you could make her wear fishnet stockings.. just joking. :)
ReplyDeleteSorry, but i couldn't get past the "shrugged his shoulders" bit, and the abundance of adverbs.
ReplyDeleteDitto on Blodwyn's comments about Miss Sue being a cliched librarian. Her personality (evidenced by her dialogue) felt the same way to, IMHO.
ReplyDeleteI think Miss Sue is supposed to be the SC, but several of the paragraphs seem to be too much in her viewpoint. I do think she seems kind and patient, if not a little stereotypical of a librarian.
ReplyDeleteGood description, and very apporpriate for the target age group. I think you nailed this.
ReplyDeleteAw.... What a sweet little old librarian. Yes, she's a bit cliche, but sometimes that can work for a writer who plays her cards right. :-)
ReplyDeleteI think Miss Sue is a sweet character, and I love the part about her mumbling to herself. Very nice. :-)
ReplyDeleteMiss Sue is obviously the SC. But I was a little confused. She sounded elderly, but she had an energy about her, always working, so I found that a little contradictory. There was perhaps a little too much description of her as well, but I was left wondering why the MC was there to see her...Great!
ReplyDeleteI couldn't work out which was the SC because bits of the scene seemed to be in each of their viewpoints. I didn't get too much of a read on either - Joey seemed nervous and Miss Sue seemed like a fairly typical librarian.
ReplyDeleteI think Miss Sue is the SC. I thought she was a bit stereotypical of a librarian (they're not all like that, you know : ) and I was a little confused about the POV with this sentence: "She knew that Joey didn’t frequent the library, and certainly never visited for pleasure." Other than that, it was good. :)
ReplyDeleteMiss Sue reminds me of my highschool librarian. The characterisation is very fitting.
ReplyDeleteMiss Sue is kind of cliched, but ya know, in comparison to a boy who's obviously got some issues, a bit of normal is working for me.
ReplyDeleteI liked the hair description best. Normally, that's not something I'd pick up on, and I wondered if it was significant that the mc did.
Nice.
Kizmet