Title: Crystal Snap
Genre: Fantasy Teen-YA
"Yes," Morticia sighed. "He became sick at our wedding. When we rowed to our secret honeymoon island?" Her eyes flickered over to me again and she mouthed the word, "Illusion".
The last thing I wanted was my sister pretending I was a figment of her imagination.
[i]How are you holding up?[/i] Belugas knelt down next to my bucket, looking kindly at me. [i]I know you can't talk, how about if you splash once for yes, and twice for no?[/i]
He was kidding, right?
[i]Do you remember your name?[/i] He waited, but I made no attempt to respond to his insulting question. I'm not sure if I [i]could[/i] splash around as he suggested. There was nothing left of me but my head and shoulders – how do you splash with just that?
He sat back on his heels and looked up at Morticia. "Have you noticed anything peculiar about the sea?"
"Peculiar?" Her face squinted. "How do you define that? You merfolk are all peculiar to me. I'm used to being around trees and woods, not talking fish."
She could have mentioned visualizing her youngest sister in a bucket being peculiar - it would have made me feel better to be acknowledged at least.
"Talking…" Belugas sputtered, looking surprised. "None of my fish talk at all, not even to me."
Morticia chewed her lip. She always did that when put on the spot - same old Morticia. “Yes, well... the islanders have caught fish that sing and talk. Put them off their dinner, they said. Something bad in the water, perhaps?”
Oops. My formatting attempt didn't work. I should have used <> instead of [].
ReplyDeleteThis is what the sub is supposed to look like:
Title: Crystal Snap
Genre: Fantasy Teen-YA
"Yes," Morticia sighed. "He became sick at our wedding. When we rowed to our secret honeymoon island." Her eyes flickered over to me again. I swear I saw her mouth the word illusion.
Great. The last thing I wanted was my sister pretending I was a figment of her imagination.
How are you holding up? Belugas knelt down next to my bucket, looking kindly at me. I know you can't talk, how about if you splash once for yes, and twice for no?
He was kidding, right?
Do you remember your name? He waited, but I made no attempt to respond to his insulting question. I'm not sure if I could splash around as he suggested. There was nothing left of me but my head and shoulders – how do you splash with just that?
He sat back on his heels and looked up at Morticia. "Have you noticed anything peculiar - particularly with the sea?"
"Peculiar?" Her face squinted. "How do you define that? You merfolk are all peculiar to me. I'm used to being surrounded by nice quiet trees and woods, not talking fish."
She could have mentioned visualizing her youngest sister in a bucket as being peculiar. Would have made me feel a jot better to be acknowledged at least.
"Talking…" Belugas sputtered, looking surprised. "None of my fish talk at all, not even to me."
Morticia chewed her lip. She always did that when put on the spot - same old Morticia. “Yes, well... the islanders have caught fish that sing and talk. Put them off their dinner, they said. Something bad in the water, perhaps?”
I think Moricia is your secondary here. She seemed flippant towards the whole situation and to her sister...worked for me.
ReplyDeleteI got a little tangled up in exactly what was going on, though.
I don't follow what is happening - need the rest of the story. Mortica is compelling insofar as I can tell what is happening - the visualizing line makes me think that she's somehow in control of this situation and that's interesting.
ReplyDeleteIt took a bit of effort to get what is going on, but it's quite nice and funny. Morticia seems like the SC, and she seems like a bit rude, maybe a bit of an astronaut. Not helping her sister much, that's for sure. I like this.
ReplyDeleteNitpick: don't you just squint with your eyes, instead of the whole face?
Ditto on what Blodwyn said about not really getting what was happening in the scene until over half way through. Morticia seems like an intriguing character, but I couldn't really get a feel for Belugas (and kept expecting a description that he was a giant talking white whale).
ReplyDeleteI'm having trouble figuring out the scene. I think Morticia would be the SC and the girl in the bucket the MC. It's unnerving that she's a head and shoulders floating in a bucket -- unless I read the scene wrong. What I can't figure out is the reason Morticia is pretending her sister in a bucket is an illusion, while Belugas is right there kneeling beside the bucket. Morticia makes it sound like Belugas is a merman, but neither Belugas or Morticia appear to be in the water. And Belugas said his fish don't talk to him. So if he isn't a merman, what does Morticia mean with the "you merfolk" comment? I guess I'm just confused. *scratches head* Apologies.
ReplyDeleteHmmm.... I'm not sure exactly who is who. The writing is well done but I'm slightly at sea.
ReplyDeleteHaha!
ReplyDeleteProbably the problem with plopping the needle down anywhere.
[at least I hope]
Because I enjoy talking about my own work (who doesn't), here is a sort of explanation -
Both Belugas and Morticia are secondary characters. The main character (evelina) is in the bucket because she had been turned into a water mass that initially retained her human shape, but is steadily breaking down.
She has been unable to communicate with Belugas (king of the sea and shapeshifter - is in the shape of a human wearing bits of sea animals skins as clothing). He doesn't realize she can understand human speech, so he's communicating telepathically as he would with any creature of his domain.
Because he's had a lot of formerly human water masses floating around lately, Belugas has a feeling that something is wrong in his kingdom - which is why he sought out Morticia (evelina's sister, who is also married to the king of the seafaring kingdom and Belugas' partner) to see if she has any imput.
They both are supposed to help the MC regain solid shape, even though neither are primary characters in the novel.
In this scene, Belugas has just boarded Morticia's ship and hasn't gotten around to explaining the blobby humanlike thing in the bucket.
Morticia sees the blob and sort of recognizes the shape of her sister, but basically is second guessing herself, telling herself that it is an illusion or her imagination, that Evelina is safe at home.
Morticia (love that name) is snarkily confident and seems almost dismissive of anyone who ruffles her notion of what's "real" or proper. Belugas seems kindly and helpful, if possessed of a bit of a tendency to bluster and sputter (at Morticia, notably). Seems like an intriguing plot.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing Morticia is the SC. I didn't get too much of a sense for her in this piece, except that she seems quite haughty.
ReplyDeleteI agree that it took me a while to figure out what was going on. But Morticia seemed cold and indifferent about her own sister only having a head and shoulders. So good job with that.
ReplyDeleteMorticia = Morticia Addams. I couldn't get past that.
ReplyDeleteBelugas - he does come across as the sc, but I have nothing to think about him. When I'm given the context - the mc is now in the form of a bucket of water and he asks her to splash, I'm stuck with "he's not so bright, is he?"
Sorry.
But thanks for posting the properly formatted entry. It was a lot easier to read.
Kizmet