Joan frowned in the dim light. I heard her sigh and fidget at the table. "Well, just think about it, will you? For another day or so? You might like things better than you think."
"Joan, no. Don't you get it? You have to change things back now! I'm not going to be stuck here without my family or anything." I felt a fresh surge of panic race through me as I realized Joan wasn't going to listen to reason, no matter what I said.
"You can come and stay with us. You've been living with a family across town, actually. They won't mind if you spend the night at my house." She ventured a weak smile.
I got to my feet, bending over so that I was staring into her eyes, an inch away from her face. "No. You're going to fix things now, or I'm going to do it for you. Tell me when you changed things or you'll be sorry you were ever born." The venom in my tone surprised me—I hoped she heard it.
Joan leaned back from my threat. She met my eyes with a hint of panic, then got to her feet, slowly, like she was underwater. "I'm not changing things back, and I'm not telling you how I did it. You'll never figure it out. Just spend some time here Sienna, and realize how good you've got it. I'll even forget your threats from tonight. We'll just pretend this didn't happen."
I don't like Joan, she's stubborn, and doesn't want to help the protag.
ReplyDeleteBut she's believable :)
Also, would love to read more!
Hmm, at first Joan seems to be hesitant and tentative, then adamant and resolute. I find it hard to get a good image of her, but maybe she is a bit of a mercurial type. If that's the plan, well done.
ReplyDeleteJoan seems a bit evil or perhaps just stubborn and needs to see the error of her ways. Whatever her motivation, she seems real.
ReplyDeleteJoan comes across at first as trying to be helpful and reassuring. By the end, you can see that she has the power in the situation. The hint of panic is interesting b/c maybe she's not as sure of the power as she could be. Anyway, good job.
ReplyDeleteI'm not so sure. Joan is confusing - the last part where she sounds so sure of herself seems a bit unwarranted coming after all of her self-doubt. Perhaps a transition sentence where she seems to gather her will and come to a decision would help. That may be what the underwater sentence is there for, but IMO it should be clearer.
ReplyDeleteJoan seems well-rounded to me.
ReplyDeleteAt the beginning, she comes across as nervous but stubborn and then at the end it's like the main character pushes her too far. My guess would be that she's an introvert who has decided this is what needs to be done and it's what she's going to do.
I think Joan came across well. She seemed rather controlling or like she enjoyed her power over the MC.
ReplyDeleteJoan feels both stubborn and nonchalant. The leap between the two emotions happens quite fast, which makes me hesitate in how I feel about her character. If you're wanting her to appear unstable and mean, then you've got her down well.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely an intriguing secondary character. You get a sense of who she is throughout the whole scene. I really liked this!
ReplyDeleteAt first I felt like Joan was a little blah until the last paragraph. Then I realized that she was just trying to be manipulative. She had her mind set the whole time.
ReplyDeleteI'm intrigued.
I get the impression that Joan has changed things for what she feels is better. She's trying to convince both herself and Sienna that things are better this way.
ReplyDeleteVery strong character. She may not be sure of her decisions, but she's stubborn enough to stand by them. Not particularly likable, but strong.
Your MC almost overpowers Joan at the start of this... which actually is just as it should be. She has enough presence to serve her purpose, and she comes across strong at the end.
ReplyDeleteyup. Joan seems well-developed to me. :)
ReplyDeleteJoan seems very stubborn. She also seems to hold power over the MC, but I like her.
ReplyDelete