Miss Snark's First Victim
I like this. His execution obviously didn't take and I want to know more about this character.
Now, where do you go from there? I'm curious. I'd keep reading.
"I should have opted for the lethal injection." Any worse vibration and his teeth would rattle out of his skull.I really do like this, but who is speaking? The person described in the second sentence? Sorry, just a little confused, but that be because it's only the first two lines.
Yeah, where does it go from there? I want more!
I'm intrigued and slightly disturbed, so I'd probably keep reading to find out what's going on.
How can he be talking if his head is rattling so hard?Nonetheless, I'd give it a page for the curiosity factor :)
I'm confused as to who is speaking the executioner or the convict. Can a prisoner 'opt' for a type of punishment? I really would like to know the genre on this one.
"I should have opted for the lethal injection." Any worse vibration and his teeth would rattle out of his skull.This confuses me also. I don't know who is speaking. Can someone opt for different punishments? Any worse vibration??? What is vibrating? Don't think I'd read
I'm echoing what others said. I believe in certain states a prisoner can choose the method, but I'm assuming the author did their homework. This is interesting, but if he's speaking aloud then it needs to match his rattling skull, or be in italics if it's only his thoughts.
I like the snark factor here. I'm guessing the speaker didn't really speak, but thought the words (in which case, have you considered putting them in italics?).I'd say this is sci-fi, and the character was offered a chance to avoid the death penalty by taking on some risky mission. I'd read on. :-)
If he's thinking, instead of talking, I would be hooked. Otherwise, this wouldn't work for me. Sorry.
Love it! Though I think you need to use his name instead of "he". ;)