I'm really feeling it this time -- the constraint of the 250 word excerpt.
Roped in by my own rule.
Mine is Post 26 (for the insatiably curious among you). I've appreciated the feedback and have read through the comments more than once. It's intensely interesting to read the impressions of readers dropped smack-dab into the middle of my story. It's humbling to see a poor word choice or awkward phrase jump out like a naked belly dancer at a Quaker meeting. And it's hard to keep my mouth shut when people say things like, "Why isn't anyone trying to revive Camille?"
Ah, I want to say, but in the next paragraph Kate is going to take her pulse. If only you could keep reading...
And...Everyone is stunned; no one understands, really, what just happened. Kate isn't sure she understands it herself. If only I could explain what, exactly, went on, and why everyone's reacting this way right now. I mean, they all hate Camille, anyway...
You have similar reactions to your own work posted here. I mean...don't you?
Mine is an incomplete WIP -- first draft, unedited, destined for major hacking and slashing. For all I know, the entire scene may end up evaporating. At the very least, it will be overhauled and given a fresh coat of paint. And these words of wisdom from fellow writers will be thrown into the pot.
They're incredibly valuable. Despite the angst of "oh, if only you could read just a bit more..."
So thank you all for your critique. I don't like the word "revolted" either. And I'm glad "supine" got at least one vote! I don't believe in dumbing down for younger readers.
What about you? Are you frustrated that your tension didn't quite come across? Have the critiques helped you to hone in on anything concrete? Or are you longing to share another paragraph or two?
And those who are feeling successful with the tension: What made your excerpt successful? How did you achieve the tension?
If only we could sit around on large, overstuffed chairs, sipping deep mugs of coffee and nibbling on gourmet finger foods. This discussion would surely be the apex of our week!