Thursday, October 9, 2008

F2S 33

Blind dates were the work of the devil, and Presley Gordon's best friend was the devil's apprentice. Oh, she might look innocent enough with those soulful eyes and that gentle demeanor, but Presley knew better.

13 comments:

Just_Me said...

I like this opening. I'd keep reading.

peachie_keen said...

I'm confused as to who is who. Is Gordon's bestfriend his blind date? Or the one who set them up?

Lady Glamis said...

Blind dates were the work of the devil, and Presley Gordon's best friend was the devil's apprentice. Oh, she might look innocent enough with those soulful eyes and that gentle demeanor, but Presley knew better.

Who is "she"? The blind date or Presley's best friend?

I want to know why Presley knows better, so I'd keep reading. That, and the fact that I hated blind dates...funny that I married one of them, huh?

ElanaJ said...

LOL! I loved this! The devil's apprentice was totally awesome. And I already have an idea of who Presley is with the "soulful eyes and gentle demeanor."

Well done!

Emily said...

i really like this!

Lori said...

Whose POV are we in? I think the ambiguity here threw me off and prevented me from really connecting to the story. Why keep calling her the best friend? Names are good—they help the reader identify with the characters.

Anonymous said...

I like this. Hooked.

Inkblot said...

Situation is a little unclear, but I imagine that will be cleared up in the next few lines. I'd keep reading.

jerzegirl said...

I think it should read. Blind dates are the work of the devil....

Sorry not hooked, sounds too teeny booper...

fairchild said...

Nice voice. I think I read this opening somewhere else.

disorderly said...

I'm confused about whether "she" is the blind date or Presley's best friend (I'm betting best friend). Loved the first sentence, but think you might consider removing at least "enough" from the second sentence -- and maybe "might," too. ("Oh, she looked innocent with those soulful....")

Mary said...

I like the voice, but agree it could be tightened. Adding her best friend's name would be a good touch. I'd read more.

blodwyn said...

I actually find the devil's apprentice thing confusing - is it that she is learning how to set people up on blind dates?

I do like it, though - would read on.