Wednesday, April 1, 2009

FS15

TITLE: THE UNICORN TAMER
GENRE: Middle Grade Fantasy

Dragons are actually more curious than cats.

40 comments:

  1. For middle grade this seems to nail it. Concise, simple, a little funny thrown in. Good job!

    Amethyst

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  2. I want to read it! It's spot-on for kids, too.

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  3. Love it.

    I'd get rid of "actually" as it's one of those almost-always-totally-unnecessary words. If it's the voice you're looking for, try something like:

    Dragons are more curious than cats. No joke.

    See what I mean? Obviously just my 2 cents.

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  4. Great opening! Would definitely keep reading.

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  5. Great! That sentence conjures up a fantastic picture in my head.

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  6. OH yeah, definitely would read on.

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  7. Haha cute. Sounds right for middle grade too.

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  8. Excellent way to capture just the audience you're looking for. Kids who love dragons would read on. Kids who don't probably wouldn't care for the book anyway, right?

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  9. Cute and surprising. Perfect hook for kids (certainly my MG daughter). Gives a nice mental image right away. Nice job.

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  10. I'm with Amy Sue (above) - take out the "actually" and I'd read further!

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  11. With this title, first line is good. I'd read more. I'm hoping it will have some fun to it.

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  12. I wouldn't change a thing. The voice is great, and its definitely appropriate for the audience. I'd keep on reading, just to see what was coming next.

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  13. I also agree with Amy Sue (above) - take out actually.

    Love it, hooky and great for your age group.

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  14. love it. Get rid of actually.

    Short, interesting and fun.

    Good job

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  15. Love a good dragon tale!

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  16. Completely hooked. Great first line!!

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  17. I really like this, actually. :)

    Seriously, I love the playful tone. The voice feels young, and that's what young readers want.

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  18. I loved this, but agree with the comments about 'actually' but understand why it's in there...adds to the rhythm of the sentence.
    I'm kind of hoping it ends up looking like this:

    Dragons are more curious than cats. Cats have more lives.

    Maybe that's just me. :)

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  19. I like it! I'd cut "actually" as well, but otherwise, I'd read on. :)

    ~Merc

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  20. Very cute! I love it.

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  21. I say don't cut the 'actually.' It would change both the rhythm and the meaning of the sentence.

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  22. Nice. Very good hook.

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  23. Love love love this! Makes me want to open the book and read it out loud.

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  24. 'Actually' sounded more conversational to me, so I would leave it in there

    I thought it catchy and would read on.

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  25. Made me chuckle to myself a little and I love that.

    Nice job.

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  26. Okay, I'd read on to find out more . . . but it did throw me a little since the title is about Unicorns and the first thing I read is about Dragons . . . but it is part of the reason I'd keep reading so I wouldn't change it. =)

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  27. Now this is cute and intriguing. Good job.

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  28. Absolutely love it. Cute & clever.

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  29. Yeah, I'm hooked. Good job.

    Fred

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