Miss Snark's First Victim
Not that you can *see* hemorrhoids at first glance, but I definitely LOL'ed. :-)
LOL'ed - definitely would read more. Love the title - I suppose there'll be heaving bossoms, glistening lips, and all that other jazz. Too funny.
I laughed out loud, I'd read on even though you can't *see* hemorrhoids.
Funny but..eww. I'm guessing by the title and first line the character in question is pregnant. ;-)
Oh, dear God. Of course I'd have to read on. Definitely laugh-worthy.
Yuck! -- Sorry, I wouldn't keep reading.
UGH! LOL Well, I suppose I want to know more?
I hope the bountiful bulge isn't a hemorrhoid!
Can't get past the "yuk" factor.
C'mon. Funny line, but surely you made it up for the contest?
Thank you to all who have commented! There do be such things as external hemorrhoids. They are, in fact, not beautiful, as the google images tell us. Don't look it up. Really. The hemorrhoidal damsel mentioned in our first line is also encumbered by metal underpants; and, well, it's hard to squirt the Preparation H in there with the chastity belt in place. Thanks again! Obligingly and A-bulgingly Yours, Authoresses Lucy Woodhull and Fellatia LangleyPS: Dorothy,I swear by our hero’s powerful thighs, which quiver like a hummingbird’s wing, that this is, indeed, the first line of our novel.And don’t call me Shirley!
I laughed. Great voice. I'd continue to read
This is a self-selecting first line: if you're the type of reader that likes parody/comedy, you're going to read the book and enjoy the first sentence. If you're not, you're not going to crack the spine. I'm not the target audience for this...but liked the impact of the line for it's own sake
This made me laugh. I would read on.
I laughed and shuddered at the same time. This is a great line, but I don't know if I'd read on because it's not my kind of story.
You had me laughing at your first line. Great job.
I like it, and I'd keep reading.That said, this opener would cull your non-readers really fast. That's not necessarily a bad thing.
Hahahaha! That was hysterical, I would read on. :D
I believe the comments so far say it all. Your future fans will love you. Those who wouldn't won't make it past the first sentence. It's very very effective that way.
Snicker. I'd read more just to see how far you push the parody. A hummingbird's wind? HAH! (sad thing is, I've read published pablum like that).
I think it works rather well for a parody. It's certainly unexpected.
Funny, but because I don't even like fart jokes, I probably wouldn't care for where this is going.
It kinda didn't work for me, as I'm in the camp that wonders how the MC can see this other character's hemorrhoids. I do like comedic novels, but this joke felt a little forced to me.
I also had a moment of "ewwww" but I would want to read more to see what was going on -- the humor hooked me.
Well it made me laugh ...and made me wonder why the 'rroids were in plain sight.EwwwBut an attention grabber!
I happen to know that it just gets funnier from here, so I would definitely read more!
Yup, you got me!P.S. My husband was hooked too - at least that's what I assumed when he laughed so hard he snorted wine out of his nose. :)
Not a genre I'd normally read, but this made me laugh. =)
Sorry, I'd pass. Not that there's anything I can particularly find that's wrong with it. I'm usually the first to laugh at crude stuff. But this doesn't seem like it would be my kind of thing. Again, nothing I see wrong with it.Fred