Miss Snark's First Victim
I like this. I'd definitely read on. The supposed has me wondering if this person did not fade to Everlasting and I want to know why.
Liked! I immediately want to know what Everlasting is!Amethyst
I'm not hooked. If I was looking for a mainstream fiction book I wouldn't want to be presented with an unknown entity.If I was looking for fantasy, maybe.
After so many paranormal sentences I was surprised that this wasn't another one! I'd read on, but as it's mainstream fiction, I'm not really sure what I'll be finding in the rest of the paragraph.
Again, I'm a fan of using "you" like this. So, this is just a personal taste nitpick I guess. But I agree with Amy. Sounds more fantasy than mainstream.
It's only fantasy if you don't believe in ghosts... :)
I'm hooked, but I thought it was fantasy as well.
Thanks for all the comments.To clarify, it's set in modern-day Paris and involves regular people and issues, but also deals with what happens after people die. "Everlasting" is the term the souls use for where you go after you "fade". Fading is when a soul is no longer in the ghost form and passes on to eternity. So Everlasting could be Heaven, for instance. Thanks everyone!
Hmm...this implies that the narrator DIDN't fade to Everlasting. I'd totally read on. Great job!
I would read on.
Interesting tag line, can see it on a movie poster as well. The rest of the book would need to support this though. Good line.
Opps. :oTypo in my comment. Should have read:I'm not a fan of using "you" like this.
I like this line and would keep reading, but it sounds more like fantasy than mainstream...ah, just scrolled up and saw author's comment. Still...I might use Heaven here and find a way to explain Everlasting...hmmm, tough call. But still I'm hooked.
Hmm, kinda intrigued, but the genre wouldn't really make me eager to read, sorry. :PGood luck,~Merc
I'd read on. Hooked.
I thought this was fantasy too. If it's not, I'd suggest a different first sentence.
Definitely sounds more fantasy than not, which could lead to confusion and aggravation (I like fantasy. I don't like mainstream fiction.) But then again, it's only the first sentence. I think anyone who starts to read the book will have read the blurb first, and so shouldn't be confused as to what this book is.(word verification: poutt--a really severe case of the sulks)
Okay, it threw me a bit of a loop. I wasn't expecting it. But, sure, I'll keep going.
It's intriguing...except for the fact that well over 50% of the first lines I read in first line contests (like Nathan Bransford's for example) have something to do with someone who's dead, but not dead. So to me, at least, it's really, really old.
Sorry, didn't work for me. "Everlasting" is too vague when the reader doesn't know what it is.
Sorry, I'd pass. "fade" does not convey any form of transportation, so whoever the MC is, is saying that you die and you stay where you are but fade away. So, "everlasting" according to what I've read, can't be a place, but a state of being. If it's a state of being, then I'd use the word "fade and become Everlasting" or something of that sort.Fred