Miss Snark's First Victim
I like that this sets up an expectation for something, but because it's so short I feel like it's a false build up. I'm more compelled to continue reading to see what is coming than I am to see why its coming.
I'd probably read more though I'm not sure it's the sentence that moves me on -- I like the title.
I'm intrigued enough to read further to find out what is coming.
I'd read a little more to see what was coming. Better be something big though with that build up.
With the title and the genre the reader should know what they're getting in to...and this opening is, to me, perfect for the title/genre. Who is Scarlet Dimity? What is coming?The reader picked up a fantasy novel with the name Wolfsbane at Midnight...that provides a certain expectation which I think works for this sentence. With that said, an agent might want a lot more really quickly in order to read further. I'm curious what sentence #2 is...
I want to know what's coming.
Hmmm... my question is, HOW did he know what was coming? Can he see the future? Had he been down this road before? I'd read at least the next few sentences to see how he knew what was coming, before I could really say whether I was hooked or not.
I like this. I'd read the next sentence and lots more to find out what was coming...and how Scarlet knew it.
Nice set up. I don't feel like a hook is being shoved down my throat. I'd read.
I like this. It made me want to know what Scarlet knew.I'd keep reading.
I like the title more than the sentence.
I like her name. This feels a bit too short which serves to distance me from the action. Maybe give us a reason she "knows" something is coming, ie, she hears something, or sees something. That would pull me in more I think.But honestly I would read on because I like her name. There would have to be a good story to keep me reading, but I was hooked at the name.
This is a good lead into the story. It makes me want to know what is coming.
I like it. I'd keep reading.
Short. Simple. I'd read on. You've introduced intrique, mystery, and my curiousity in five words.
Sorry, I didn't like it--I want to know "what" was coming, but it feels a bit too much like a gimmick to me the way it's not clear what "what" is.
I'd read on, if only to find out why the name Scarlet Dimity (isn't dimity a sheer fabric?) But the title throws me quite a bit--feels cliche (though I'm one to talk, since I don't like my own title either). Also, could you hint a bit more at what was coming? Or is that sentence #2?
Scarlett O'Hara was not a pretty girl.Sorry, that's just what your sentence called to mind.I don't get the suspensed feeling I think you're intending me to feel, but I'd definitely go on.
I like it! Would totally read on to find out what was coming. Like the name too.
Short enough to make me read at least the next sentence to get the answer. If I were to offer a suggestion, I'd say try to put a little more snap in there. The two most compelling words you have are "Scarlet Dimity". The rest feels flat to me.
I've read similar first lines in other stories--some good, some bad. I guess I'd have to read on a bit more to see if I'm intrigued, but yeah, I've definitely seen this "It's coming" structure used in lots of other novels.
Eh, I can't say I'm hooked, but I wouldn't put the book down yet. Still, if she has the power of prophesy or something like that, then I'd just go ahead and say it. If she's been naughty and is about to get whipped, then I'd go ahead and say that.Fred
I'd keep reading.