Miss Snark's First Victim
I like this one. Picking this one off the shelf, if the BCC is worth anything, I would get this one.
I like this as well. Intriguing enough to read on.
Oh yeah, I'd keep reading.
I'm intrigued even though it sounds cliche.
Don't like it because the MC is contradicting him/herself in the first sentence.
Love the concept, love the title. Agree with Amy: the phrasing could stand some tweaking:It's not that I wanted to live forever...I just didn't want to die.orI didn't want to live forever...I just didn't want to die.My choice would be the second due to the nice echo from the first clause to the second.That might just be me. Would definitely read on because I really liked this.
This is great. Because I think this is something most people can relate to. I don't want to live forever, but I certainly don't want to die today, yanno? Good job!
On one hand, this is a very obvious statement. NO ONE wants to die.However...this hints that, just maybe, she's got to choose between one or the other. ie: she doesn't get to live a normal life and then die at an old age. And if that's how the next couple of sentences pan out, then I'd definitely be hooked. But if the next couple of sentences just have her facing death in a more ordinary way, then there'd have to be something else to hook me.
Title didn't grab me, but WOW! what a great first sentence! :)
Loved the concept, but the sentence could be fixed. I'd read.
Great first line. You've hooked me to want to read more.
I like it!
Hmmm, I like it. Not love, but I'd read on. :)
I agree--great sentence and title. Also agree with Peter's #2 tweak.
I would consider starting the sentence with "I" instead of "it" -- makes it more immediate in a POV. I'd read on.
This sounds like something I've read somewhere before. I'm not hooked with just this sentence...but it isn't a whole lot for me to go on, either!
Good hook! I'd read on too! I agree with Writeaholic though, start the sentence with "I" so it reads better.
This works for me. I'd read on.
Definitely hooked. Love the voice already, and a great hook in so few words. Awesome job!
Many thanks to everyone for their comments -- this is my first entry, so the input is especially welcome.The entire series actually began with this sentence pounding in my head for a few weeks, refusing to go away. So I sat down and started typing . . .Again, many thanks!
Hooked! While it's absolutely true that none of us want to die, this first sentence implies that the narrator is facing death *right now.*
I like it . . . made me chuckle a little. =)
Great line. Well done.
Sorry, I'd pass. There's nothing really wrong with it, but it sounds cliche (And I can't honestly say that I've heard it before, I've just heard versions of it)Fred