Wednesday, April 1, 2009

FS39

TITLE: Love's Bountiful Bulge
GENRE: Parody (Romance Novel)


She was beautiful, except for the hemorrhoids.

29 comments:

  1. Not that you can *see* hemorrhoids at first glance, but I definitely LOL'ed. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL'ed - definitely would read more. Love the title - I suppose there'll be heaving bossoms, glistening lips, and all that other jazz. Too funny.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I laughed out loud, I'd read on even though you can't *see* hemorrhoids.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Funny but..eww. I'm guessing by the title and first line the character in question is pregnant. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh, dear God. Of course I'd have to read on. Definitely laugh-worthy.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yuck! -- Sorry, I wouldn't keep reading.

    ReplyDelete
  7. UGH! LOL Well, I suppose I want to know more?

    ReplyDelete
  8. I hope the bountiful bulge isn't a hemorrhoid!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Can't get past the "yuk" factor.

    ReplyDelete
  10. C'mon. Funny line, but surely you made it up for the contest?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thank you to all who have commented!

    There do be such things as external hemorrhoids. They are, in fact, not beautiful, as the google images tell us. Don't look it up. Really. The hemorrhoidal damsel mentioned in our first line is also encumbered by metal underpants; and, well, it's hard to squirt the Preparation H in there with the chastity belt in place.

    Thanks again!

    Obligingly and A-bulgingly Yours, Authoresses Lucy Woodhull and Fellatia Langley

    PS:

    Dorothy,

    I swear by our hero’s powerful thighs, which quiver like a hummingbird’s wing, that this is, indeed, the first line of our novel.

    And don’t call me Shirley!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I laughed. Great voice. I'd continue to read

    ReplyDelete
  13. This is a self-selecting first line: if you're the type of reader that likes parody/comedy, you're going to read the book and enjoy the first sentence. If you're not, you're not going to crack the spine.

    I'm not the target audience for this...but liked the impact of the line for it's own sake

    ReplyDelete
  14. This made me laugh. I would read on.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I laughed and shuddered at the same time. This is a great line, but I don't know if I'd read on because it's not my kind of story.

    ReplyDelete
  16. You had me laughing at your first line. Great job.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I like it, and I'd keep reading.

    That said, this opener would cull your non-readers really fast. That's not necessarily a bad thing.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hahahaha! That was hysterical, I would read on. :D

    ReplyDelete
  19. I believe the comments so far say it all. Your future fans will love you. Those who wouldn't won't make it past the first sentence. It's very very effective that way.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Snicker. I'd read more just to see how far you push the parody. A hummingbird's wind? HAH! (sad thing is, I've read published pablum like that).

    ReplyDelete
  21. I think it works rather well for a parody. It's certainly unexpected.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Funny, but because I don't even like fart jokes, I probably wouldn't care for where this is going.

    ReplyDelete
  23. It kinda didn't work for me, as I'm in the camp that wonders how the MC can see this other character's hemorrhoids. I do like comedic novels, but this joke felt a little forced to me.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I also had a moment of "ewwww" but I would want to read more to see what was going on -- the humor hooked me.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Well it made me laugh ...and made me wonder why the 'rroids were in plain sight.

    Ewww

    But an attention grabber!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I happen to know that it just gets funnier from here, so I would definitely read more!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Yup, you got me!

    P.S. My husband was hooked too - at least that's what I assumed when he laughed so hard he snorted wine out of his nose. :)

    ReplyDelete
  28. Not a genre I'd normally read, but this made me laugh. =)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Sorry, I'd pass. Not that there's anything I can particularly find that's wrong with it. I'm usually the first to laugh at crude stuff. But this doesn't seem like it would be my kind of thing. Again, nothing I see wrong with it.

    Fred

    ReplyDelete