Wednesday, April 1, 2009

FS34

TITLE: The Wandering Samurai
GENRE: Literary

The more you think about a thing, the more unreal it can become.

17 comments:

  1. This first sentence would lead me to believe there's a story worth reading. I'd definitely continue on.

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  2. Intriguing hook!

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  3. I don't like "the more you think" start. The idea is interesting, but the style doesn't grab me.

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  4. This sentence got me to pause and think about it's meaning - sort of like a tidbit of wisdom from Confucius. But that means I'd probably stop reading further, to think about it. Not sure if I'm hooked. I think maybe it's a little too vague to hook me.

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  5. I think this would flow smoother if it said:

    The more you think about something, the more unreal it becomes.

    I think the way it is now is awkward.

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  6. I am still pondering this! I think that is a good thing. :-)

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  7. This idea has been pondered in so many novels, I'd read on to see if you've given it a fresh slant.

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  8. I agree with the fortune cookie/Confucious say nature of this, more importantly to me, personally, is that I hate the word 'thing.' I understand where you're going with this, though but it's not something I'd read. That's just me though.

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  9. Erm, not really a style I think I could read for long, so sorry to say, not hooked.

    ~Merc

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  10. I honestly don't know. I wound up thinking, "Huh?" But is that good and would it make me read on? Or not? I honestly don't know.

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  11. Dang, I like this. Really like this. I feel like it should be a quote that people put on magnets and hang next to their computers. Hooked, absolutely.

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  12. I like it but I'm not blown away. I think it's because of "can become." Maybe try taking it out:

    "The more you think about a thing, the more unreal it becomes."

    But coupled with the title, it hooked me enough to keep reading.

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  13. I really liked this - it's a very literary beginning, and it really makes me want to read more and find out what this thing is!

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  14. Sorry, I'd pass. I love literary pieces, but the "The more you think about it" sounds like something I'd hear around the coffee machine at work. If you went for some surreal effect like "Ponder something's existance long enough, and it can become unreal" uh, that sucks, but you get my drift. If you go this direction, you really need to come up with unusual and precise ways of saying things like this.

    Fred

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