Wednesday, April 1, 2009

FS17

TITLE: Murder Maids
GENRE: Contemporary Fiction


“That’s a little pricey, isn’t it?”

18 comments:

  1. I'm afraid not. Too little, too early. I'm not curious about what's pricey. I'm sorry.

    Amethyst

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  2. Based on the sentence - no.

    Based on the title - maybe.

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  3. Be very, very careful starting with dialogue. If you read Nathan Bransford's blog, he has an entire post on this I think. It rarely works.

    Based on the title, it's not contemporary fiction, it's mystery - and it sounds like romance/mystery or maybe a tinge of chick lit.

    Know your genre and audience.

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  4. The title sounds interesting, but the sentence doesn't jump out to me.

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  5. Of course I'd read the next sentence to find out what's pricey - I'm nosy that way. And I'd hold judgment until I read a bit more. But that first sentence is not really a grabber.

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  6. Agree with c.e. lawson.

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  7. nope. not hooked. especially not after looking at the title.

    Starting with dialogue can be problematic because the first thing the reader asks is "Who's talking?"

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  8. Thanks everybody for your comments!

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  9. This left me wanting something more, like the title though...

    and that line, all on it's own, makes me think a hooker is talking...

    maybe that's just me...

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  10. First of all, I have no problem with DL starting a story. ;) I'm sure that in the next line or so you'll clarify who's speaking.

    I'm a bit iffy on whether it hooks me or not--combined with the title, I'd probably say yes. Not hugely, but enough I'd read on.

    Good luck!

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  11. This one is either yes or not. It doesn't stand along...but it wouldn't have to. I think anyone would at least read on to see what's too pricey, and who's saying it...so in that sense, this works. It all depends on the next few sentences.

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  12. Not enough to go on, and even with the title, it's not enough to tell whether it's humor, mystery, women's fiction.

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  13. Hmmm . . . doesn't do it for me.

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  14. Sorry, I'd pass. I don't like not being told what is being spoken about in the dialogue at the start of a book. The dialogue doesn't reveal anything other than the fact that someone thinks something is pricey. And without a dialogue tag too boot, so I don't know who's speaking.

    I can see "That's a little pricey, isn't it?" said Druzella, eyeing the shrunken head.

    Or something to that effect.
    Fred

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