Friday Fricassee

And so another Friday is upon us.

I love ranting with you all, so here's a Grammar Rant for this fine, sunny Friday:

I'm not a magazine reader by any stretch, but sometimes I get desperate to read something -- anything. So, being a person who enjoys a good glass of wine, I was recently captured by an article entitled, "Goodbye Burdgundy...and hello pinot noir".

I got to the third sentence and stopped dead in my proverbial tracks:

I've tried, but simply found every single one that I've drank to be wholly underwhelming and devoid of personality.

I've drank?

I've DRANK??

I'm sorry, there's no excuse for a mistake like that. Especially in a published article. Especially in a piece written by a sommelier for a monthly feature entitled "Exquisite Taste."

Let's review:

I drink.
I drank.
I have drunk.

You're thinking, "But Authoress, it might've been a simple typo."

Indeed. But why didn't somebody catch it?

And it gets worse. I can prove it wasn't a typing error, a mere slip of the finger.

Know why? On the second page of the article, it happens again:

I've drank Burgundy with others that swear it will turn me into a convert, but alas it wasn't to be.

This isn't a simple typing slip, folks. It's grammatical illiteracy.

And to really nitpick, it should read "with others who swear," not "with others that swear." "Who" for people, "that" for non-people.

Unless you're writing a story about talking animals.

And, too, there should be commas flanking the word "alas."

Actually, the whole sentence kind of sucks.

And, um, so does the entire article.

It's puzzling, really. Because the author uses words like "affinity," "formulaic," "austere," and "conversely." So either he's got a Thesaurus on his desktop or there's a complete disconnect between his vocabulary and his ability to use it to construct sentences.

Ugh, ugh, and triple ugh.

I can't seem to get away from unedited writing this week -- first Terry Brooks, and now this.

Do you have some grammar pet peeves to share? I might feel a tad less hoity toity if you do.

Just a tad.

Amazon = Big, Bad Monolith?

Have you heard? Booklocker, a successful POD publisher (and not, by any stretch, a vanity press) has filed a class action lawsuit against Amazon.com.

If you take the time to read all the facts, it really does sound like Amazon is doing some dirty dealing. Some POD publishers have already caved in, signing the contract under duress, as it were.

And you may think that traditional publishers won't be affected. But it could be a matter of time, you know?

It bears watching.

Lia Riley

Read the original Success Story post on Miss Snark's First Victim.

For more on Lia Riley:

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Her book, UPSIDE DOWN, was published by the Hachette Book Group in 2014. 

For more on the book:

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Friday Fricassee

And again, thanks for your participation. Dialogue is definitely a challenge, is it not? Nothing bogs a story down more than a whole lot of yakkity-yak-yak that doesn't move the story forward.

Nothing, perhaps, except endless internal dialogue. "He wondered" this; "he wondered" that. He pondered, he paused, he considered, he worried, he thought, he contemplated.

He needs to tell the voices in his head to be quiet and get on with whatever it is he's supposed to be doing!

So I'm a little sensitized to it right now. I'm still reading Ilse Witch by Terry Brooks. And not to pick on Terry Brooks, but...I'm going to pick on Terry Brooks.

I am almost convinced that this book wasn't edited.

What's my beef? Well, aside from the endless internal dialogue and rambling blah-blah-blah of characters, there's this little issue of ridiculous word tags.

Yes. Ridiculous word tags often coupled with -- gasp -- "ly" adverbs.

Are you with me?

And I'm asking myself, what happened to the Invisible Said?

But don't take my word for it. See for yourself:

From page 11: "Once, only," the other advised.

Advised? It jumped out at me as awkward, but to each his own, right? Right, until you get to page 37:

"I know of the expedition," Walker advised quietly, and bid him continue.

Now we have "advised quietly."

And lo and behold, the word "advised" continues to show up regularly, each time bearing itself like a fresh, red zit that you don't really want to look at.

Along with "advised," we have "he inquired," "he whispered," "he greeted pleasantly," "he called back to them," "he roared to everyone who would listen," "he declared loudly," "he snapped," "he agreed finally," "she admitted," "he announced approvingly," "he replied suspiciously," "she pressed," and "he declared."

And that's in the first 75 pages. The book is over 450 pages long.

I don't know how much more of this I can stand.

Here's an "in context" example from page 153:

"How well do you intend to pay?" his sister interjected quickly.
"What would be your normal rate of pay for a long voyage?" Walker queried.

Queried? Is he looking for an agent?

And here's "advised" again on page 163: "This way," Redden Alt Mer advised, starting off down the dock toward the beach.

Here's a good dose of "telling" instead of "showing": "How did you know we were coming?" Bek asked in surprise.

I'll stop now. I think you've gotten the gist of what I'm ranting about.

And, too, there's the teeny-tiny fact that I'm on page 231 and the characters still have not embarked upon their quest.

Yep! Halfway through the book and they haven't actually begun their journey.

I work so hard to tighten my writing. You all know how hard that is! I'm still in process, you know? So very much in process. That's what's so awesome about crit partners and feedback and such.

So when I read the work of a long-lived, bestseller author, and the writing is about as tight as a 90-year-old's abs, it's just a bit...discouraging.

Not to mention painful to read. Oh, the guy's got a story, to be sure! Rife with epic fantasy cliche that I could certainly do without, but he knows how to weave it.

But where....oh where, oh where, oh where....was his editor?

Does he have an editor?

Maybe he should hire Merc.

*grin*

So, who's game to pick up the book and read it along with me? Can we work together to discover what's really good about it, and what isn't? Is there somebody here who actually wants to say to me, "Authoress, you're all wet, mama. It's an excellent book without flaw."?

Do tell.

I really am teachable. I really do want to be a better -- and better and better -- writer. I really do read books to hone my own craft, as well as for entertainment.

And right now, I am neither entertained nor learning much. Except, perhaps, what not to do.

Will you join me? Let me know!

And have a wonderful Memorial day weekend.

Talkin' Heads, Post #6

From THE DRAGON BOX

The witch chuckled and put the Crystal back into her robe. “Hmmm, I shall have to think. Would you fight me for it?”

James trembled and watched in horror, as Khalana grew taller. There was no way he could fight her. But what could he do? He looked at Mack for support, but the old wizard had found something interesting to look at in the sky. At last, an idea came to him. “I won’t fight you, because I don’t want to hurt you.” He was relieved to see Khalana shrink again. “But if the Crystal is no use to you, perhaps you could think of something you want and I could try to get it for you?”

Mack looked at him now, his eyes twinkling.

Khalana laughed. “You? I doubt you could find a leaf in a forest! But the idea has merit. Very well, I want three things.”

“Three for one, that’s not fair!” James clenched his fists

Khalana’s eyes flashed. “You’re either very brave or very stupid, boy. You’re no match for me. I could turn you into a frog right now! Do you want the Crystal, or not?”

“Okay.” James kept his voice velvet soft, making sure it didn’t shake. He wouldn’t let her grow again. “What do you want?”

“ First of all, I want the feather of a dragon. Bring me that and I’ll tell you the next thing.”

Everyone, but Mack, gasped. Ben lifted one of his wings, looked under it then back at James and shrugged.

“There’s no such thing.” James’s face was burning.

Khalana smiled. “Nevertheless, that’s what I want. If you want the Crystal of Mommek, find me one.”

With another loud crack, she vanished.