Thursday, April 22, 2010

50 Words #15

TITLE: Going Sane
GENRE: Women's Lit

Devil’s Canyon did its level best to live up to its name, which it did without even trying. The townsfolk joked that there were only two seasons . . . hot and cold. As far as Sophia was concerned, the seasons might as well be called misery and despair.

11 comments:

Claire said...

First sentence is clunky. Like the two seasons--misery and despair. Would read a bit more to see where it's going.

Catherine Gayle said...

This makes me think of where I live, so it got me to chuckle. I would keep reading.

Bethany Elizabeth said...

I'm hooked, because my hometown is the same way - hot and cold. But in the first sentence, you may want to think about cutting out 'which it did without even trying.' It's clumsy and unnecessary, hurting an otherwise excellent first sentence.

Jane said...

I loved this. Full of voice and character.

The first sentence did make me smile... but if you think about it, the two clauses are sort of contradictory. This one might need polish.

Steve Hall said...

Like the title, as well as the two seasons line, but the rest didn't grab me. By the end of the selection, I (think) I realized Devil's Canyon was a town and not an actual canyon--confusing.

Jill Wheeler said...

I like the last line, but I agree about the first sentence being clunky. The only two seasons thing seems a bit cliche to me.

Amy Sue Nathan said...

Not hooked.

The first sentence doesn't seem like it has anything to do with the third and fourth. What does Devil's Canyon have to do with weather? Also, weather (like dreaming, mirrors and waking up) is a very precarious way to begin a novel.

Jean V. Ryan said...

Almost hooked. The end of the first sentence makes me puzzle. How does a non-sentient object "try"?

Sarah Laurenson said...

Like half of this - the first part and the last part. I thought the parts in between could be cut.

I'd read some more to see if I was hooked.

H. Grant said...

I would cut the "which it did without even trying" at the end of the first sentence. Other than that, I like this and would keep reading. Good luck!

jjdebenedictis said...

Nice! (Although the word 'it' and 'its' cropped up too many times in the first sentence.)

I like the voice, and you've let us know Sophia doesn't consider her life in a happy balance right now, which means we can see a story coming our way. I would definitely read on.