TITLE: Shakespeare on the Lam
I pounded on the bathroom door and yelled at my slug of a sister: "Athena, how much longer you gonna be?" I mean, the 'fairy queen' had barricaded herself in there for over half a century and I needed to get ready for school. Talk about a 'Midsummer's Night's Nightmare.'
No reply. Instead, she continued practicing her lines: "'If you will patiently dance in our round, and see our moonlight revels...'"
"Excuse me," I shouted. "My mistake. I meant to say, 'Queen Titanic, wilt thou quit being the world's biggest bathroom hog and hasten out of there...'"
"The name's Titania, you dolt," came the muffled response. "Go use the other bathroom." Was she trying an Australian accent? Why was I cursed with such a raving actress for an older sister?
"All my stuff's in this bathroom. So get your majestic fairy..."
That was when Mom yodeled from the kitchen: "Jared, can you keep it down, please?"
More droning from the bathroom: "'Fairies, away; we shall chide downright if I longer stay.'"
No kidding. I decided to light a fire under the Queen. "The bus is coming."
I heard a scramble and a squawk. The door flew open. I blinked. In the glimpse I had of her before she slammed the door in my face, she looked five inches taller. Was she wearing heels? And what the heck had she done to her hair? She was in big trouble now.
"Red hair? You dyed your hair red? Mom's gonna kill you..."