Wednesday, March 5, 2014

March Secret Agent #43

TITLE: The Troll Diaries
GENRE: Upper Middle Grade Fantasy/Adventure

I know what you’re thinking. Trolls. Nasty, ugly creatures that live in caves and under bridges. And you’d be right, for the most part.

I come from a long line of proud, ugly bridge trolls. It’s what we do. We guard bridges, take tolls, and occasionally grind bones to make our bread.

I’m kidding.

Well, sort of.

See, I’m not really a normal troll. I guess you could call me the black sheep of the family. Maybe not a sheep though, since my family eats those. I’m pretty sure they don’t want to eat me. I’m a vegetarian, which doesn’t sit well with them at all.

My mother is considered to be the best bone-bread maker in the whole forest of Mystwood, or at least here in the Hob, our home. It’s really the truth. Of course, the last troll who challenged her sort of disappeared. Permanently. I tried to eat it once. Not by choice, mind you. My brothers Bog and Mud held me down and forced me to eat a whole loaf. It was kind of dry… and crumbly, like you would expect bone-bread to taste, I guess.

I prefer to eat things that didn’t scream in fear when they died. Like berries, and mushrooms, and whatever I can poach from the farmer’s crops at the edge of the forest. I’m not proud of stealing the food, but at least I’m not trying to eat the farmer. One night I took my baby sister, Ivy, with me, and things got a little ugly.


  1. Love the beginning. THis really drew me in. I want to know how he isn't the run of the mill troll and I love the twist you have taken on it. So many questions have he cute, do trolls really make bone bread...exactly what a first 250 is suppose to do.

  2. I love this! Super cute premise and voice. Especially liked the lines "I'm kidding...Well, sort of." - gave me a good picture of this little troll.

  3. Great voice coming through. Not sure if the main character is male or female though. I would take out the "I'm kidding" line because he/she isn't kidding at all about what NORMAL trolls do. That's what I would stress: Well, that's what normal trolls do. Then the next paragraph start with, But I'm sort of the black sheep of the family.

    I would also change "I tried to eat it once" to "I ate some once" because "I tried" implies doing it of your own free will.

    There's a tense issue in the last paragraph. I think the first line should be: I prefer to eat things that don't scream in fear when they die.

    I love the title and think it sounds like a really fun story. Good luck with it!

  4. I love the premise, but wanted the opening to be a little tighter.

    Because he's the "good troll", you might change him to the white sheep of the family.

    I loved the fact that he mentioned, "Well maybe not sheep, because we eat those."

  5. Love the premise and you've nailed the voice. I get a great idea of the kind of life the main character has had and have empathy. I would keep reading!

  6. I absolutely LOVE this! It's totally right up my alley. I wrote a MG about goblins (though not through the POV of one... I mean, sort of. It's complicated). Trolls and Goblins are both freaking COOL and I'd love to read more books about them. And one through the POV of one? Yes!

    Seriously misunderstood creatures, Trolls. :D

  7. I really like the voice in this, and the concept. I agree the opening could be a little tighter to get to the action sooner, but since the voice is good, I'd keep reading. One very minor comment: when you said "the Hob," I immediately thought of Hunger Games. Just something to keep in mind, that some readers might makes that association. But I really like this!

  8. Good voice. Fun start.

    When you say "I tried to eat it once" the "it" refers back to the troll who disappeared. You should say, "I ate some bone bread once." (he didn't try, he succeeded in eating a whole loaf and found it to be dry and crumbly) Love his brothers' names.

    I like that you chose to have his baby sister involved when things got ugly.

    I'd read on a bit because I like the voice, but I'd want to find out pretty soon what his problem is besides that he's a vegetarian misfit.

  9. I like the fresh premise--a troll who's the black sheep of the family. What follows is very clever, too. I like the voice, but I'm starting to hope there's a story and not just an episodic recitation of troll experiences. The last sentence gives me hope that there might be.

  10. Love the idea of the true story of life as a troll. Too cute. Funny. The bone meal bread? Nice. Drew me in. And vegetarian. Ha!