Wednesday, May 16, 2018

May Secret Agent Contest #22

GENRE: MG Speculative

Stories swirled around our town about the unusual woods that edged my neighborhood, but most people dismissed them. Not me. 

I’d heard there was truth in those stories from the mysterious Ms. Jemima Blaze, who lived in the ramshackle place dead center of the woods. Her ancestors had lived there for years, so I figured she should know. She also told me it would never show you anything, if you looked too hard. But I did anyway, couldn’t help it.

“Let’s go,” I said.

“Geez, calm down. I’m coming,” said Oliver.

I stood at the end of his driveway, which was three down from mine. His mom leaned out their front door and grabbed the mail from their mailbox.

She called, “Hi Rinn. Not too long today, you two. Oliver told me he has a lot of homework.”

“Ok, Mrs. Jacobsen.”

My name is actually Corinne, but everyone calls me Rinn, even my parents. In fact, pretty sure they started it.

Once Ms. Blaze confirmed our suspicions, Oliver and me hunted for magic on a regular basis. We searched along the beaten path through the woods. Different days of the week, because there were other things to do too, but at least a couple, except the time he had the flu and the time I fractured my arm. It wasn’t a whole break, but my mom made me stay inside for a week to help it heal. She’s kind of a worrywart.


  1. The premise is really interesting and I definitely want to know more. It feels like there needs to be an immediate situation though. I feel like I'm reading after the beginning if that makes sense. I believe you were missing "houses" in the sentence "three down from mine." Anyway, the premise seems really intriguing so far :)

  2. I'd love for it to start in the setting in the woods where we could look with Rinn and her friend. I feel like the beginning was giving me an info dump. I love the premise and would enjoy a good spooky story.

  3. I love the unusual woods. You've got a lot of build up, but there are some details you could add that would really hook the reader. My suggestion would be to give the reader more about the hunt. What makes the woods unusual? With a little fleshing out this could be a creepy and awesome start.

  4. I feel like I want a better transition between the 2nd paragraph and the 3rd paragraph, where the dialogue begins. Maybe something that bridges the gap between this talk of the woods and the here-and-now scene.

    Consider adding maybe just the slightest hint of the MC's personality to anchor me in her head. This is actually pretty good as is. :-)

    Thank you for sharing!

    1. Thanks. So appreciate your time! ��

    2. Didn’t mean to have question marks there. Lol. Thanks again.