TITLE: The Magical Lemon Tree Recipe Book
GENRE: MG Urban Fantasy
I always cry at the end of Junior Top Chef. I hate seeing someone lose, though I’ve only lost one baking contest since I first started competing—thanks to some hotshot six-year-old whose meringue impressed the judges so much, they barely spared two seconds on my chocolate pudding pie. I was five with a stolen recipe from Betty Crocker. If I only knew then what I know now.
The next day, I buried that second place trophy in my underwear drawer, asked Santa for a cookbook, and my baking changed forever. Cookbooks are magic.
If I can repeat last year and beat these four kids, I’m golden.
My sister, Cyan, tugs the edge of my black apron and points at the red tape on the floor that tells all contestants where to stand.
“Right. Thanks for being my wing girl, Cy.” I wipe the last fork on my yellow- and white-striped towel, set it tongs down on the plate next to the other two, and step back.
Teetering on my Doc Martens, I scan the crowd. My sister doesn’t say a word. If she did, that’d take the cake.
“Mom and Dad’ll need to sprout wings and fly if they’re gonna make it on time this year.” They hadn’t even been home after school. Just a note saying they had an appointment and to look after my sister.
As I grip my stained recipe journal, Cy squeezes my arm and a stout judge whisks away my slices of pie.
I love cooking competitions, especially kid ones. This is such a great idea. The opening is a little slow for me, mostly because there needs to be more grounding in where she's at and what she's doing. We know she's at a competition, but who are the 4 she's going up against? What is the competition? If we were a little more grounded in the scene I think the anxiety (that's the emotion I'm getting) would really shine. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThe switch back and forth between when she was five and now is keeping the opening from really putting us in the moment. I know that will be a useful thing to have somewhere, just not right in the beginning. I love cooking shows and cooking competitions so I look forward to reading this one day.
ReplyDeleteI love any story with a food theme! But I agree with the aforementioned that the opening is too slow. Ground us in the scene. Who are her competitors? What is at stake other than winning? You have a great concept!
ReplyDeleteWhat a fun concept! I wonder if you could move the opening 3 paragraphs of backstory down, work it into the flow of the first chapter and grab us with something more immediate at the top. Show us the sights and sounds of the contest, for example? I'm wondering...how big is the crowd? Desserts only? Smells must be fantastic, right? Has she already cooked, or is she about to? Are other contestant visible?
ReplyDeleteA little more showing will get this out of the gates more quickly. Oh, and I think you said "tongs" where you meant "tines."
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ReplyDeleteThanks for these comments!! Take Two:
ReplyDeleteTeetering on my Doc Martens, I survey the scant crowd for my parents. My sister doesn’t say a word. If she did, that’d take the cake. Instead, she tugs the edge of my black apron and points at the red tape on the cafeteria floor that tells all bake-off contestants where to stand.
“Thanks for being my wing girl, Cy.” I wipe the last fork on my yellow- and white-striped towel, set it tines down on the plate next to the other two, and step back.
The seventh grader to my left baked a chocolate cake. Boring. Her top layer leans, and the raspberry center is thick. A sixth grade boy to my right licks his finger and wipes a smear of apple filling from the edge of his pie plate. Disgusting. Two eighth grade girls wearing matching green skirts with cherry appliques sneer at me as they center their cherry tarts on the table. The crisscross pastry is so shiny, you’d think they used nail polish.
If I can repeat last year and beat these four kids, I’m golden.
Another sweep of the room for my parents, but if they’re here, they must be invisible. As if reading my mind, Cyan pats my hand. Mom and Dad hadn’t even been home after school. Just a note saying they had an appointment and to look after my sister.
As I grip my stained recipe journal, Cy squeezes my arm and a stout judge whisks away my slices of pie.
COMMENTING ON THE TAKE TWO VERSION :-)
ReplyDeleteLove the voice. Love that the readership and and love the scene. So much story is packed into this first page--character, sister dynamics, tension, clever and subtle backstory on the parents--but the one thing I'm missing is any hint that this is urban fantasy. To me it reads contemporary. Still, I'd definitely read on!
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you! I just had this conversation with my editor, and she said the same. I'm going to query it as contemporary fantasy. The fantasy element kicks in in a few pages. Thanks for stopping by!!
DeleteI hope I see this in my inbox!
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