TITLE: The King's 100
GENRE: YA Sci-Fi/Romance
When Piper’s partner for the traditional court NYE kiss leaves the stage sick, the maestro replaces him with the one boy she has tried to avoid kissing since she set foot in the enemy kingdom.
Maestro shouted through a smile. “Kiss her, dammit! Kiss her!”
Ari looked down at Maestro, then back at me, wrestling with his next move. He dropped my hands and placed his palms on my waist. He closed the distance between us and I felt the heat of his body through his tuxedo. His fingertips tensed against my dress as his eyes darted back and forth, searching for answers on my frozen face.
No, I pleaded without speaking. Please don’t make me kiss you when all I want to do is leave this kingdom and forget you.
But then he sealed his decision by pressing his lips to mine.
I closed my eyes, shutting out the light of the room and drinking in the taste of Ari’s lips. Feeling lighter than air, I curled my fingers around the smooth satin of his lapel, anchoring myself to his body.
Ari pulled away and looked at me with a soft gaze and his mouth parted slightly open. The magicians released silver foil confetti, cloaking us in our own private sanctuary. The sounds of the outside world were dampened by the rhythm of our breathing as we stared into eachother’s eyes. I finally let go of the thick rope of the curtain within me, letting it fly open to expose my naked, vulnerable self to the boy on the other side.
Then Maestro shouted something, causing Ari to step back and dissolve our sanctuary.
This definitely has me curious about their backstories. I'm not usually a big fan of the trope where someone is conveniently compelled to force someone they've been pining over, but this adds the twist that although she likes him, it's for that very reason she doesn't want to kiss him. At least that's the impression I'm getting.
ReplyDeleteI would be careful with the metaphors in the latter half. Confetti, to me, doesn't seem like something capable of cloaking. And there was something about the phrasing of the "thick rope of the curtain within me" that didn't work for me. Just a personal preference, perhaps. You've got a lot of good potential here.
Good luck!
I really liked the tension in the scene. The kiss was both wanted and dreaded. The use of 'sanctuary' seemed a bit off to me, that's just an opinion. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteI think this turned out really well! I was a little confused about the "thick rope of the curtain within me" as well, though. Curtains usually aren't ropes, and the analogy of opening the curtain to reveal your naked self comes off as a little...creepy. You might have her facade crumble, or her veil lift, or her mask come off to reveal her true self. Those would be less confusing and have the desired effect.
ReplyDeleteKatydid:
ReplyDeleteI loved the emotional impact and the build-up! The chemistry was great too! I would have liked a touch more of the MC's emotions at the end. How she felt about finally having this kiss.