Agent Wish List for Deidre Knight: Critique Guidelines

Welcome to our first AGENT WISH LIST critique round!

Today we have 2 offerings for Deidre Knight of The Knight Agency.  (See her wish HERE.)

When leaving your critique, please focus your comments on the actual writing rather than on the query letter.  General comments about the query are fine and can be helpful -- things like "the premise drew me right in" or "I don't have a sense of what the stakes really are".  But try to avoid nitpicking the query.  (I'm not a fan of the overshopped query letter.)

Keep your eyes open for Deidre's comments on these entries!  If she doesn't choose to ask for more material, she will let the authors know why.  This is a wonderful glimpse inside the brain of an agent!

Here are the general critique guidelines, as always:

• Please leave your critique for each entry in the comment box for that entry.
• Please choose a screen name to sign your comments. The screen name DOES NOT have to be your real name; however, it needs to be an identifiable name.  ("Anonymous" is not a name.)
• Critiques should be honest but kind, helpful but sensitive.
• Critiques that attack the writer or are couched in unkind words will be deleted.*
• Cheerleading IS NOT THE SAME as critiquing.  Please don't cheerlead.
• Having said that, it is perfectly acceptable to say positive things about an entry that you feel is strong.  To make these positive comments more helpful, say why it's a strong entry.

Have fun!