Thursday, March 25, 2010

103 Thriller

TITLE: Untitled
GENRE: Adult Thriller



I had never stared down the barrel of a gun before. Even with such a close look, I still couldn’t tell what kind it was.

14 comments:

  1. I have a disconnect between the first two sentences: If the MC had never stared down the barrel of a gun before (S1), of course he couldn't tell what kind of gun is was (S2).

    Not quite hooked, although staring down the barrel of a gun is definitely an attention-getting opening.

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  2. not hooked only because of the second half of the sentence. :0)

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  3. Just b/c he hasn't stared down the barrel of a gun, doesn't mean he doesn't know guns, but there is a bit of a leap involved to make the connection. Clarifying, a bit, I think would help. Partial hook for me.

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  4. I'm curious. Not totally hooked, but enough that I'd read a little more to see what was going on.

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  5. I liked the first sentence, but expected more from the second. I'd read on a bit, at this point.

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  6. Sorta hooked, but I think the second sentence could use some re-wording

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  7. First sentence hooked me. Second took all the drama away.

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  8. Why would the MC care what kind of gun it was while he was staring down the barrel. I don't know about this one.

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  9. The first sentence is great. The second throws me. Why isn't (s)he scared stiff? Also, it is impossible to tell the make of a gun by staring at the muzzle.

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  10. Semi-hooked because the MC is trying to figure out the make of the gun, rather than freaking out that he's nose-to-nose with one. I'm reading it as a clue to his psyche, not a disconnect.

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  11. Am I the only one who likes the second sentence? I think it's perfect and put a unique voice into it right at the beginning, plus it adds just a touch of humor to an obviously serious situation. Unless it isn't intended to do that. If so, I love it.

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  12. Not hooked. I wonder if anyone could tell what it was from that position?

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  13. Not hooked, sorry. It feels too familiar and not enough spark.

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