TITLE: Melisma
GENRE: Young Adult Fantasy
"In five minutes, I will be on that stage playing a tambourine. Kill me. Kill me now."
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15 comments:
Not sure if I'm hooked. I'd read a little further.
Partial hook. I love the strong, immediate character voice and can sympathize with the stage fright being shown. Plus, promise of fantasy in the genre for an extra boost.
I like it - I'd keep reading. :-)
This makes me smile. I'd read on. ^_^
Cut the first "kill me" and I'm hooked!
Like this line as is and love the voice. You've caught me enough that I'd read a page or two, to see if the voice holds and where the fantasy comes in.
I laughed, and laughter = hook. Great job!
LOL, this is funny. Nice voice. Hooked.
Hooked. I want to know how the performance will turn out.
Not hooked.
This really caught me. It's funny. Great voice.
This made me laugh. I'm hooked.
Not hooked--I'm not sure I like how the DL explains things. This feels weirdly like it should be narrative (with the voice) but is not. It jarred me more than intrigued, sorry to say.
2 or 3 opening sentences to set the scene would be great--it wouldn't ruin this great line.
the problem I have with most stories opening with dialog is it forces the writer to then go back explain the line which weakens the beginning
Stage fright isn't enough to hook me, so based on these 25 words, I'm not hooked. I could have quite a different answer if you'd been allowed 250, or even 50 though.
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