Thursday, March 25, 2010

117 YA Fantasy

TITLE: Melisma
GENRE: Young Adult Fantasy


"In five minutes, I will be on that stage playing a tambourine. Kill me. Kill me now."

15 comments:

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Not sure if I'm hooked. I'd read a little further.

Tami said...

Partial hook. I love the strong, immediate character voice and can sympathize with the stage fright being shown. Plus, promise of fantasy in the genre for an extra boost.

Shannon O'Donnell said...

I like it - I'd keep reading. :-)

Valerie Sloan said...

This makes me smile. I'd read on. ^_^

M said...

Cut the first "kill me" and I'm hooked!

Anassa said...

Like this line as is and love the voice. You've caught me enough that I'd read a page or two, to see if the voice holds and where the fantasy comes in.

Bethany Elizabeth said...

I laughed, and laughter = hook. Great job!

rhea said...

LOL, this is funny. Nice voice. Hooked.

Stella said...

Hooked. I want to know how the performance will turn out.

Jodi Meadows said...

Not hooked.

suz said...

This really caught me. It's funny. Great voice.

SonshineMusic i.e. Rebecca T. said...

This made me laugh. I'm hooked.

Merc said...

Not hooked--I'm not sure I like how the DL explains things. This feels weirdly like it should be narrative (with the voice) but is not. It jarred me more than intrigued, sorry to say.

Robbin said...

2 or 3 opening sentences to set the scene would be great--it wouldn't ruin this great line.

the problem I have with most stories opening with dialog is it forces the writer to then go back explain the line which weakens the beginning

Bron said...

Stage fright isn't enough to hook me, so based on these 25 words, I'm not hooked. I could have quite a different answer if you'd been allowed 250, or even 50 though.