Thursday, March 25, 2010

137 Picture Book

TITLE: Lavender
GENRE: Picture Book



An elephant flew through my window today,
bouncing me high off the bed where I lay.
His skin wasn’t tinted the usual gray.

20 comments:

  1. Not hooked - but mostly because I don't really like the style.

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  2. Cute<:

    I think that 'tinted' could or should be 'colored' - only because that is a word most kidlets would know better. :)

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  3. Watch your meter 12-10-11...Could be a cute pb.

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  4. Love the visuals!

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  5. I agree about the tinted, but I like this.

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  6. I'd like it better if it didn't rhyme. The first sentence grabs me. Then...the meter isn't perfect, tinted feels wrong for a child's voice, and I dropped out. Also, there's already ELMER, a book about a not-gray elephant. So I'd be more interested in something different about this elephant.

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  7. I liked it. I would read the story to my girls.

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  8. An elephant flew in my window today
    (yes)
    Bouncing me high off the bed where I lay
    (no - you don't mention landing so you can bounce so it's confusing)
    'tinted gray'
    (No. Picture book has pictures so you don't need words.)

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  9. Rhyming text is difficult to get 'just right'. Feel this is a little too sing-songy for my liking but I love the image of a flying elephant (and I assume it's lavender??) Not everyone counts syllables, but think it's worth noting that there's a discrepancy:
    Line 1= 11
    Line 2= 10
    Line 3= 11
    You might have had 10 syllables in line 4 so that's a pattern in its own right...

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  10. I don't know enough about picture books to give any real comments, but so far I think so.

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  11. I think it's cute. I'd drop 'tinted' altogether 'His skin wasn't the usual gray'. My kids would listen to this

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  12. wow, I guess rhyme isn't the thing around here.

    Actually, the pattern is fine the way it is. The entire text reads in a pattern of 11-10-11-5, which is perfectly acceptable in poetry.

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  13. I think it's cute. My grandson would love it - an elephant and bouncing!

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  14. Ohh! I like it. I bet it's even better with the illustrations.

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  15. The meter is perfect, so I wouldn't worry about those inaccurate comments. I like it very much.

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  16. I don't know anything about PBs but the image is cute and I'd probably read on.

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  17. As a veteran of reading some pretty dreadful kids books to my kids, this I would gladly read if the rest made me smile as this opening does.

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