Miss Snark's First Victim
Partial hook -- don't think you need the last sentence.
Hooked.It is catchy, I would read some more.
I agree with Bane. But I'm hooked! :-)
I'm hooked, but agree with bane, lose the last sentence. I think it takes away from the impact of the first sentence, revealing too much to soon.
Not hooked. This is just not clear enough to be exciting yet. It might work better for me, actually, if you removed the metaphore:"Dying was the last thing on my mind Tuesday morning. It didn't stay that way long."
The opening line sounded like a C&W song. I found this opening a bit awkward although I like the idea but I probably wouldn't read on.
Not hooked, sorry. It didn't feel fresh or snappy enough to set it apart.
If this isn't a fantasy with a literal death I might not read on - you have two general statments without starting to show exactly what is happening where and to who.
I liked the first line better than the second.Preferred 'daring novelist's' revision.
I thought the 'last thing on my mind' thing was a bit redundant. I don't think death is on most people's mind most of the time. It's good that you get to the death thing straight up though. It means the stakes are high, which is good for a thriller.