Interesting title. As someone who's played lots of basketball, I have a hard time connecting with the sensation. I've had guys guard me like an old dog on a new bone, but I've never noticed their breath on my neck. The 'block with my right, dribble' also doesn't jibe with me.
If the defender's breathing on his neck, that means the MC's in the post, which means he's probably receiving a pass. If he's gonna dribble, it's probably gonna be after a spin move, or once hard into the lane and then throw up a hook.
Know I'm being nit-picky as hell, but the verisimilitude didn't ring true for me... I might keep reading b/c I like basketball, but if the authenticity quotient didn't pick up for me soon, I'd probably stop.
two week old garbage seemed a bit over the top--day old garbage stinks! breath on neck slows the action for me--i think of basketball as fast--he has time to think about the breath and if he does how can he be doing anything if the guy's on him that close?
sorry, basketball is my favorite sport because it moves, this didn't
Basketball...I want to know what happens...yeah, hooked here :)
ReplyDeleteHOOKED!!! LOVE THE TITLE! LOVE THIS OPENING!!! ㋡
ReplyDeleteI came back to say I love the title of this and saw someone beat me to it :)
ReplyDeleteInteresting title. As someone who's played lots of basketball, I have a hard time connecting with the sensation. I've had guys guard me like an old dog on a new bone, but I've never noticed their breath on my neck. The 'block with my right, dribble' also doesn't jibe with me.
ReplyDeleteIf the defender's breathing on his neck, that means the MC's in the post, which means he's probably receiving a pass. If he's gonna dribble, it's probably gonna be after a spin move, or once hard into the lane and then throw up a hook.
Know I'm being nit-picky as hell, but the verisimilitude didn't ring true for me... I might keep reading b/c I like basketball, but if the authenticity quotient didn't pick up for me soon, I'd probably stop.
Love, love, love the title! :-)
ReplyDeleteNice title. I played a lot of basketball, but I've never noticed someone's breath on me during a game.
ReplyDeleteHooked. Great title, voice and action.
ReplyDeleteWell, the title certainly hooked me.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. The title skeeves me out. And that is enough to keep me from reading. Though probably not middle grade aged kids.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was good. hooked.
ReplyDeleteI'd keep reading. Great action.
ReplyDeleteCount me as hooked. Like the simile in the first sentence.
ReplyDeleteNot really a sports person, so not hooked. I might be otherwise.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked, though I'm not a sports person. I did like the first line, though. ;)
ReplyDeleteGreat energy here and lots of action.
ReplyDeleteHooked
two week old garbage seemed a bit over the top--day old garbage stinks! breath on neck slows the action for me--i think of basketball as fast--he has time to think about the breath and if he does how can he be doing anything if the guy's on him that close?
ReplyDeletesorry, basketball is my favorite sport because it moves, this didn't