Thursday, March 25, 2010

130 MG Historical

TITLE: TRAIN WATCH
GENRE: Middle Grade Historical



August 5, 1941

Dear Mama,

PLEASE COME GET ME AND OTIS! I’m tired of working in the field picking cotton and corn and tobacco

11 comments:

  1. I'd keep reading. This made me smile.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Not hooked. Who WOULDN'T be tired of working in a field picking cotton and corn and tobacco? Maybe if it started out with more description of the "tired"...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Congrats! Hooked!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh, yes, I'm hooked. I really like this one and wish there had been more to read.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hooked. Good job of showing immediately what the story is.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think you set up context really well but I'm not hooked. I know it's a letter but it's "telling." Which is a point of a letter, but if I were a kid, would I care?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Not really hooked. Sad, but not hooked. I'm sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Not hooked, sorry. It feels a bit too forced as a set-up and information.

    ReplyDelete
  9. The letter format serves as a bit of an 'As you know, Bob.'info dump.

    The voice comes across as whiny too, which doesn't help me care for your MC.

    ReplyDelete