Thursday, March 25, 2010

124 YA SFF

TITLE: Tunnels
GENRE: Young Adult Science Fiction/Fantasy


Prin discovered the hole while playing hide-and-seek one day.

"Dorum!" she cried. "Dorum - come look what I found!"

14 comments:

  1. I'd go along for a bit to see where the hole goes. I'd probably cut 'one day.'

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  2. Partial hook. I'd keep reading to find out more abut the hole.

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  3. Partial hook. Sounds like it's starting with a flashback because the narrator is telling the reader about something that happened before this point in the story. If this is a flashback, then it's a big no-no.

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  4. Quasi-hooked. Wanna know more. Potential to wander off bored very shortly, though, if I don't fall into that hole. As it were.

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  5. I'm not sure... the first sentence sounds like the discovery happened long before the beginning of the story. So the second sentence tells me this is a flashback.

    I'm not ultimately crazy about novels that begin with flashbacks. I'd rather see them jump right in to the protagonist, present, and the problem.

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  6. Oh dear...sniggering at possible double entendres. Ignore me.

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  7. I clunked at "one day", but I'd keep reading.

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  8. Partial hook. Need more detail on the hole. Why is this one especially interesting?

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  9. It depends a lot on what the book is about... I'm not entirely hooked yet, but I might read on to find out what the hole is.

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  10. Don't think the 'one day' is in the right spot.

    Either drop it or put it after 'hole'

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  11. For the purpose of this exercise, I'm not really hooked. However, I would certainly read more than 25 words in the bookstore, and I'm sure whatever comes next about the hole will be hooky :-)

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