The rhythm of these few words grounds me in the genre you are writing in, but I want more. How does the wind tell you? How do you know it's a rider and not a bear? Is the wind communicating with the narrator explicitly or is it smells etc. that are signaling it? Maybe if there were a bit more to the post I could have a better response.
On the fence with this one, and I'm not entirely sure why. I'd probably give the book another sentence or two, but I don't have any particular reaction based on what's here.
I think I'm more hooked on the idea of what this is about, than the actual sentences themselves. That said, I'd read on, because I like the idea of the wind talking to the narrator and it feels like we're about to be plunged into some tension if not outright action.
I like the title and the first sentence. Given the genre,I am hooked. My only comment is to combine the two sentences. Something like “Someone approaches, the winds tell me—it’s a rider.” I connected with the protagonist and learned she has communication with the wind. I would read more.
The first thing I thought was "It sounds like a Haiku". But that is is irrelevant. It must be somebody important if the wind tells you about it. I would read on.
The rhythm of these few words grounds me in the genre you are writing in, but I want more. How does the wind tell you? How do you know it's a rider and not a bear? Is the wind communicating with the narrator explicitly or is it smells etc. that are signaling it? Maybe if there were a bit more to the post I could have a better response.
ReplyDeletePerhaps more words could have been added to this to give either a stronger sense of urgency, or a more vivid picture.
ReplyDeleteI'm not hooked. I don't think there's enough information to make me care yet.
ReplyDeleteSo few words, and yet I like the writing.
ReplyDeleteHooked.
On the fence with this one, and I'm not entirely sure why. I'd probably give the book another sentence or two, but I don't have any particular reaction based on what's here.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked -- seems to be trying too hard.
ReplyDeleteThe style hooked me.
ReplyDeleteI'm hooked--you got me. Wind talking to MC. Nice.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm more hooked on the idea of what this is about, than the actual sentences themselves. That said, I'd read on, because I like the idea of the wind talking to the narrator and it feels like we're about to be plunged into some tension if not outright action.
ReplyDeleteI'd read on to find out more.
ReplyDeleteSorry, not hooked. It feels a little forced
ReplyDeletePartly hooked. Can't help but feel it needs a little something more.
ReplyDeleteI like the writing, I'd read more
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ReplyDeleteInteresting. I'd give ita few more paras.
ReplyDeletei like the first sentence. it's restrained but still evokes a mood. i'd read on.
ReplyDeleteHooked. I love how the wind speaks here.
ReplyDeleteHooked. The writer's voice comes across clearly with this, and I want to keep reading.
ReplyDeleteIt's got a lyricism that reminds me of old school fantasy, which I like. Hooked.
ReplyDeleteHooked.
ReplyDeleteI like people who talk to winds, but I feel like I've read this before. I'd keep reading to see if it gets less common.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Christine.
ReplyDeleteIt read awkward for me. But I'm not a huge fantasy fan either.
ReplyDeleteI'm not wowed, but I would read on.
ReplyDeleteI like it. Talking with the wind appeals to me. It's a soft-feeling sentence, but I like it. Evocative.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked.
ReplyDeleteHooked.
ReplyDeleteI like this opening. Not horribly strong, but I get a sense of what's happening and that the wind is speaking to the MC.
ReplyDeletei like the writing style enough to keep reading.
ReplyDeleteHooked for at least a few more sentences. I like the tone so far.
ReplyDeleteLightly hooked.
ReplyDeleteI like the title and the first sentence. Given the genre,I am hooked. My only comment is to combine the two sentences. Something like “Someone approaches, the winds tell me—it’s a rider.” I connected with the protagonist and learned she has communication with the wind. I would read more.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I thought was "It sounds like a Haiku". But that is is irrelevant. It must be somebody important if the wind tells you about it. I would read on.
ReplyDeleteI'd give it a few more paragraphs because I love YA :)
ReplyDeleteGreat writing, but I'm not sure I learn enough to be hooked.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. It's too vague and disjointed for me.
ReplyDeleteI didn't like the first sentence. It seemed awkward and jerky.
ReplyDelete