Thursday, March 25, 2010

90 MG Historical Fiction

TITLE: Sibling War
GENRE: Middle Grade Historical Fiction

Some people call me jumpy because I tense up at loud noises before I even hear them. That's what happened when I got shot.

38 comments:

  1. made me laugh out loud -- i'd keep reading.

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  2. Okay, first impressions, right? Maybe I'm way too literal, but how do you respond to a noise before you hear it? Next thought: Ahh, maybe this is a joke. I'd probably keep reading to find out. :) But I'd stop pretty quick if it became any more bizarre.

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  3. I'd keep reading. I want to know why "I" does that.

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  4. Seems a bit violent for me, but I'd keep reading because I like the voice.

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  5. Like it. A bit violent for MG, maybe?

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  6. You got me hooked! But push this up to YA.

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  7. The voice is good. I'd probably pass.

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  8. Yes, I'd keep reading . . . it's got my interest!

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  9. Good one—hooked! Love how you intro'd the fact MC got shot casually. It adds nice humor.

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  10. A note to A.L. Sonnichsen: Believe it or not, that came from my own experience. I actually do tense up/jump before I hear loud noises. The noise comes immediately after, but it does happen. Dave

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  11. Excellent. I'd keep reading.

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  12. How do you react before it happens? If this was a MG Fantasy, I'd believe it, but since it's a historical - I'd pass.

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  13. Yes, totally. I like it.

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  14. I'm hooked enough to read a little further. I think I'd be hooked more if there was some way to combine the two sentences. (Yeah, I know, not likely at all.)

    Not a MG reader or writer, but those're my thoughts.

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  15. Yes, love it, and don't think it needs to be pushed up to YA.

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  16. Hooked. I love it. I would definitely keep reading. :-)

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  17. HA! HOOKED! Pretty friggin' good, too! I'm sucked in to reading! ㋡

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  18. .....OOPS! I already read this one!!
    Looks like I got HOOKED into reading it again!! ㋡

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  19. Hooked. The last line made me giggle.

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  20. I do believe that the pre-tensing comes from your own experience... but I have to admit, it's weird. It's the sort of thing that trips up a reader and makes them think, huh? And putting it in the first sentence lends it an awful lot of weight. I just wonder if it's important enough to your story to leave it in, or if you'd be better off simply saying the character tenses when he hears a loud noise.

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  21. Hooked, but could be even stronger if you leave off "Before I even hear them."

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  22. I am not hooked, this sentence is telling, not showing.

    I do not write in first person however, this or a similar beginning probably would hook me: Bang, my knees turned to jelly dropping me to the ground, saving me from death. My friends think I am mad.

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  23. I love it - I like how you played with expectations. :)

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  24. Like others, I'm thrown by tensing before you hear the noise. It's a brain thing. Your hearing center processes sounds before your conscious mind makes sense of it. The reflex happens faster than the awareness. So...the geek in me is bothered by that first line. But I like the casual "I got shot." So I'd keep reading.

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  25. Not hooked. The idea's sound, but it just feels like the wrong place to start a historical piece. Perhaps it's a lack of grounding in place or time. I might keep reading, but not hooked.

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  26. I'd keep reading. Great hook.

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  27. Not quite hooked, sorry--though I think I almost could. Something just feels off about it.

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  28. Hmmm. I'm not 100% hooked, but I'd give this a little more for sure.

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  29. I guess I'm just not a fan of being told about something that's significant after the fact.

    I got shot. Now we go back and find out why.

    I know, I know there are plenty of books like that but I always think the stronger ones are the ones that lead me through the story.

    anyway, how about:

    Some people call me jumpy because I anticipate (or sense or feel or whatever) loud noises before I even hear them.

    I am intrigued by the title plus MC being shot.

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  30. The second line seemed ambiguous.

    If you tense as a consequence of being shot, it needs tightening. If not, I didn't get it.

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