Miss Snark's First Victim
Hooked. The irony made me chuckle, and I want to know WHY he deserved it. Not real excited about the title, but realize it's probably a "working title."
HOOKED!!!I love it! Cool opening sentence, too! ㋡
Like the voice! Hooked!
Yes, hooked. :)
Hmm, I know I commented on this one, but it's gone! *gasp*Hooked! (and even better without the accidental quotes from earlier) Strong voice - I want to know more!
I'm definitely hooked, and I want to know if the Witch Hunter is the one doing the punching, or the one getting punched! Definitely want to know more.
Hooked! But -- and I hate to be so nit-picky -- is a comma the right punctuation for after "blow?" Makes it a run-on, but maybe that's ok for your character's voice.
Lol. Nice. Love this. Hooked!
Heh. More or less hooked.
Good hook. I am not entirely sold on the title, but like somebody else said, it might be just a working title. Would definitely keep reading. :-)
Hooked! I'd lose "well", though. I'm a person who tends to put lots of "so"s, "well"s, and "oh"s at the beginning of sentences. Using both here looks like a tic, but maybe that's because I suffer from one :)I agree with changing the comma after blow - maybe to a dash.
Hooked! Love the voice. (Don't like the title, though.) I'd read on.
Good and honest... Nice.
Not hooked. I feel like something is missing with the "So". It's a reaction to something I don't know of.
Hooked! I like the voice.
Definitely chuckle worthy. I'd read on.
Doesn't work for me.I feel like I got dropped into the scene just after the action. I have no reason to believe the narrator that "he deserved it".I feel like the intent is for me to want to read on so I'll find out if he deserved it but there's no basis for me to trust it's worth my while. Rather intrigue me by beginning with an opening that lets me know who he is in relation to you and then I'll be like "wow you broke his nose." What will you do next?