Thursday, March 25, 2010

117 YA Fantasy

TITLE: Melisma
GENRE: Young Adult Fantasy


"In five minutes, I will be on that stage playing a tambourine. Kill me. Kill me now."

15 comments:

  1. Not sure if I'm hooked. I'd read a little further.

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  2. Partial hook. I love the strong, immediate character voice and can sympathize with the stage fright being shown. Plus, promise of fantasy in the genre for an extra boost.

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  3. This makes me smile. I'd read on. ^_^

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  4. Cut the first "kill me" and I'm hooked!

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  5. Like this line as is and love the voice. You've caught me enough that I'd read a page or two, to see if the voice holds and where the fantasy comes in.

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  6. I laughed, and laughter = hook. Great job!

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  7. LOL, this is funny. Nice voice. Hooked.

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  8. Hooked. I want to know how the performance will turn out.

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  9. This really caught me. It's funny. Great voice.

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  10. This made me laugh. I'm hooked.

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  11. Not hooked--I'm not sure I like how the DL explains things. This feels weirdly like it should be narrative (with the voice) but is not. It jarred me more than intrigued, sorry to say.

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  12. 2 or 3 opening sentences to set the scene would be great--it wouldn't ruin this great line.

    the problem I have with most stories opening with dialog is it forces the writer to then go back explain the line which weakens the beginning

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  13. Stage fright isn't enough to hook me, so based on these 25 words, I'm not hooked. I could have quite a different answer if you'd been allowed 250, or even 50 though.

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