Partial hook. I love the strong, immediate character voice and can sympathize with the stage fright being shown. Plus, promise of fantasy in the genre for an extra boost.
Like this line as is and love the voice. You've caught me enough that I'd read a page or two, to see if the voice holds and where the fantasy comes in.
Not hooked--I'm not sure I like how the DL explains things. This feels weirdly like it should be narrative (with the voice) but is not. It jarred me more than intrigued, sorry to say.
Stage fright isn't enough to hook me, so based on these 25 words, I'm not hooked. I could have quite a different answer if you'd been allowed 250, or even 50 though.
Not sure if I'm hooked. I'd read a little further.
ReplyDeletePartial hook. I love the strong, immediate character voice and can sympathize with the stage fright being shown. Plus, promise of fantasy in the genre for an extra boost.
ReplyDeleteI like it - I'd keep reading. :-)
ReplyDeleteThis makes me smile. I'd read on. ^_^
ReplyDeleteCut the first "kill me" and I'm hooked!
ReplyDeleteLike this line as is and love the voice. You've caught me enough that I'd read a page or two, to see if the voice holds and where the fantasy comes in.
ReplyDeleteI laughed, and laughter = hook. Great job!
ReplyDeleteLOL, this is funny. Nice voice. Hooked.
ReplyDeleteHooked. I want to know how the performance will turn out.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked.
ReplyDeleteThis really caught me. It's funny. Great voice.
ReplyDeleteThis made me laugh. I'm hooked.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked--I'm not sure I like how the DL explains things. This feels weirdly like it should be narrative (with the voice) but is not. It jarred me more than intrigued, sorry to say.
ReplyDelete2 or 3 opening sentences to set the scene would be great--it wouldn't ruin this great line.
ReplyDeletethe problem I have with most stories opening with dialog is it forces the writer to then go back explain the line which weakens the beginning
Stage fright isn't enough to hook me, so based on these 25 words, I'm not hooked. I could have quite a different answer if you'd been allowed 250, or even 50 though.
ReplyDelete