Miss Snark's First Victim
I'm intrigued by the title. Don't feel as though these first 25 words grab me. Maybe start with this kid opening the letter, instead, and SHOWING how the character feels as he/she reads the teacher assigned.
Ditto what Laura said ... like the title and the premise -- something I think a lot of kids can relate to.
I like the first line, but I think you might need to slide it into second base. Maybe start off with the kid pulling the envelope from school out of the mailbox.
Nice voice. I would read more.
I'm hooked, because this was me at the beginning of 5th grade, except I was praying I wouldn't get Mrs. McKinney!
Oh, by the way, I did.
Just read The Teacher From the Black Lagoon today, so this feels less than unique. Not hooked.
I'd keep reading but I would like it better if the MC were hestitating to open the letter rather than going through the mundane process of opening the mailbox. Skip the box and get to the juicy part: the letter.
Think I'd skip the anticipation and jump to after the letter was opened and MC's reaction.I might read a bit more, but I already know MC is going to have Mrs. K., and would just assume the rest of the plot were some version of: teacher is mean, something happens, then the teacher isn't so mean.
I felt like some form of the second sentence ought to be first and the first sentence ought to be second. It would ramp up the tension. I agree about leaving out the reaching for the mailbox. It is a good start. I liked it.
Heh, almost. From the title I assume the narrator has Ms. Kestler, so I found the opening a bit predictable and thus lacking appropriate tension. I wonder if the first meeting to show WHY the narrator doesn't want Ms. Kestler would work better...
I think it would be stronger if the MC was having these thoughts while opening the letter.