Miss Snark's First Victim
A bit too complicated...
I think it's a bit wordy for an opener.
Too much show, not enough tell. Also not a fan of the title
Not hooked. Snip!
Semi-hooked. I'd expect longer sentences for literary fiction, so that doesn't turn me off.
A convoluted and poorly constructed sentence. The title hooked me, so I might read the second sentence.
I can't grasp the image of a window with a picture of a door. I guess the shutters or the window frame have a door painted upon them- but I can't see that. Sorry, not hooked.
Not hooked, sorry.
I think this might read stronger if we were in the head of the person seeing the window/door - and getting his/her reaction.
A bit too complicated...
ReplyDeleteI think it's a bit wordy for an opener.
ReplyDeleteToo much show, not enough tell. Also not a fan of the title
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. Snip!
ReplyDeleteSemi-hooked. I'd expect longer sentences for literary fiction, so that doesn't turn me off.
ReplyDeleteA convoluted and poorly constructed sentence. The title hooked me, so I might read the second sentence.
ReplyDeleteI can't grasp the image of a window with a picture of a door. I guess the shutters or the window frame have a door painted upon them- but I can't see that. Sorry, not hooked.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked, sorry.
ReplyDeleteI think this might read stronger if we were in the head of the person seeing the window/door - and getting his/her reaction.
ReplyDelete