A little unsure with this one, though not for any reason I can really speak to. I would definitely give it another paragraph or so, since I like the writer's voice.
I would prefer a more wry comment such as: 'I considered this to be a problem', because it is purely subjective whether the MC's status is or isn't a problem.
Hooked.
ReplyDeleteI like.
ReplyDeleteWell done! I'm hooked.
ReplyDeleteThis is just my thing. Love it!
ReplyDeleteLove it! Hook for humor and a good, strong MC voice.
ReplyDeleteOuch. Hard on Mom. Moderately hooked.
ReplyDeleteHooked also! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHooked.
ReplyDeleteA little unsure with this one, though not for any reason I can really speak to. I would definitely give it another paragraph or so, since I like the writer's voice.
ReplyDeleteGRINS. I read this too fast and thought you had "but I was born with a pitchfork in mine".
ReplyDeleteI do like the first sentence and am hooked by that alone. Even if the pitchfork was in the hand instead of the mouth.
catchy, I'm in
ReplyDeleteCongrats! Hooked despite cliche.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely hooked.
ReplyDeleteHooked!
ReplyDeleteHooked!
ReplyDeleteHehe. Yeah, hooked.
ReplyDeleteGot me chuckling right off the bat. Hooked.
ReplyDeleteHah! Yes, hooked.
ReplyDeleteHooked.
ReplyDeleteI like it. Suggestion - get rid of the but and make the first sentence into two. I think this would make it stronger
ReplyDeleteLike it.
ReplyDeleteRight now it's a guarded hooked.
ReplyDeleteI would prefer a more wry comment such as: 'I considered this to be a problem', because it is purely subjective whether the MC's status is or isn't a problem.