Already get a sense of the voice here, which can be hard to do in just a few opening sentences. Provocative last line, but maybe a little more of a hint of what is to come, of plot or setting...
Semi-hooked. Having someone be so completely unconcerned by the thought of their own death is hard for me to connect to, so I'd be seeking some other reason to like the MC. I'd keep reading a bit and give it more time.
I'm in the sort-of hooked category. This is close. But I don't yet feel a connection with the MC. I agree the writer's voice is coming through here. I'd play around with the words just a bit. Good start!
meh, hooked enough to keep reading. Though I do despise openers that make it sound like the MC will die, like, NOW! Because, well, we all know they don't or they wouldn't be a novel written about said person.
I like the voice, but I keep seeing openings with "Death..." and while I liked the first line, taken as a whole it just didn't grab me. Almost, but not quite.
Already get a sense of the voice here, which can be hard to do in just a few opening sentences. Provocative last line, but maybe a little more of a hint of what is to come, of plot or setting...
ReplyDeleteNot bad.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked -- this sort of opening seems more commonplace nowadays.
ReplyDeleteI'm not usre if this is second or third person, and I'm also confused bout the tense. Not hooked.
ReplyDeletethe was, was, was slowed me down. Try something more active and I'd be more hooked.
ReplyDeleteuncomfortably? I don't think you need that. only semi-hooked.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. There seem to be a lot of MCs dead, dying, or about to die.
ReplyDeleteconfused about the POV, & I agree with Steena about the word uncomfortably not being necessary
ReplyDeleteI like it!
ReplyDeleteSort of hooked. The last sentence is what makes it sort of. I feel confused.
ReplyDeleteNot too sure about this. The word 'was' is used 4 times; I'd probably keep reading if revised in a more active tense.
ReplyDeleteSemi-hooked. Having someone be so completely unconcerned by the thought of their own death is hard for me to connect to, so I'd be seeking some other reason to like the MC. I'd keep reading a bit and give it more time.
ReplyDeleteI'm in the sort-of hooked category. This is close. But I don't yet feel a connection with the MC. I agree the writer's voice is coming through here. I'd play around with the words just a bit. Good start!
ReplyDeletePut sentence #3 at the start, n' I'd be HOOKED! ㋡
ReplyDeleteNot bad.
ReplyDeletemeh, hooked enough to keep reading. Though I do despise openers that make it sound like the MC will die, like, NOW! Because, well, we all know they don't or they wouldn't be a novel written about said person.
ReplyDeletenot hooked.sorry.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the first two lines, but you kind of lost me on the third. I'd keep going anyway, but the third line just seemed...jarring.
ReplyDeleteThe point-of-view sounds like it's switching. That's a big offense in my book, but yes, I would keep reading.
ReplyDeleteHooked. I wanted to read more ... but I'd have edited the piece with more active verbs than "was".
ReplyDeleteI'm intrigued, but you used "was" four times in three sentences...
ReplyDeleteNot really hooked, because it didn't feel unique enough.
ReplyDeletePosted too soon.
ReplyDeleteI like the voice, but I keep seeing openings with "Death..." and while I liked the first line, taken as a whole it just didn't grab me. Almost, but not quite.
I'd give it a little more. The first two sentences grabbed me, but the third less so.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the first two lines. The third felt clunky
ReplyDelete