Thursday, March 25, 2010

85 Mystery

TITLE: The Measure of Angels
GENRE: Mystery


On the fertile riverbank where the Tigris meets the Euphrates, in a place known as the Garden of Eden, Seth Ivanov waited to die.

28 comments:

  1. Last clause here is, of course, provocative. Great sense of place as well. I'd keep reading if only to see how he wouldn't die.

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  2. This sounds like the kind of book I'd love to read, so maybe I'm biased, but the setting and the mystery hooked me.

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  3. I might keep reading. It's intriguing. But I'm still waiting for the real hook.

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  4. Hooked. Is he really Russian?

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  5. I remember this from...was it an SA contest? Anyhow, this on its own wouldn't hook me.

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  6. I have no reason to care where he is when he wants to die. Not hooked

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  7. i don't like mysteries in general but i really enjoyed this first sentence. i'd read on.

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  8. Good one! Hooked. I like the sense of place and good immediate tension.

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  9. Waiting to die in the Garden of Eden? Cool! Hooked!

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  10. The Garden of Eden intrigues me but the rest does not. I think it's too wordy for a hook, but that's just me. Not sure how I feel about the first lines being about waiting and dying.

    Seth Ivanov clung to life on the riverbank of the Garden of Eden.

    (okay, clung to life is way too cliche but you get the idea)

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  11. Definitely would keep going!

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  12. Sorry, not hooked.
    But I think it's the way it's written, not the idea. Too many names n' places all piled up together, until I couldn't create a picture in my mind. ㋡

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  13. I'm hooked--setting and waiting to die. How could someone not like that?

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  14. Interesting. I'd read the next sentence.

    Mark in the Seattle area

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  15. Intriguing! Waiting to die where life began. I'd read on.

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  16. I'd read on because of the idea of being in the Garden of Eden waiting to die. Hooked.

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  17. I want to know why he's waiting to die. But, I'm wondering how much forward motion this opening will have if he's waiting and not doing. So I'm quasi-hooked.

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  18. Not totally hooked, but I'd give this a little more.

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  19. The most important thing to me is that he wants to die. Put that first and the location after.

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  20. Perhaps you're trying to get it to the 25 words min but I see this as really rushed.

    I think it would work with more build up--don't be afraid to put us there and then hit us with he wants to die (and I don't mean a bunch of flowery description either.)

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