Could go either way. I do think you have some great details here in a few words, and they are both telling and creepy. If that's what you are going for, it works.
i laughed at the word davenport. i'm confused. if this is supposed to be a cheeky (no pun intended) robert- downey- jr- as- sherlock- holmes type of mystery it could work. if not, the voice is awkward.
??? First, I thought of bistro for Lustro (maybe I've read too many 25 word beginnings) and then I can't tell if he's sitting or not, alive or dead. Too much confusion for 25 words. Sorry!
Hooked. My first reaction was eeeew, but I loved your choice of names. (I'm guessing Brinkerhoff is a name, and I liked Lustro, too) I din't know if you're going for campy humor or mystery/suspense, but I'm willing to go along for the ride.
Not...really hooked. Kind of weirded out.
ReplyDeleteHa! I love this. I'd definitely keep reading.
ReplyDeletespooky, but slimy...would probably read on for a page or two until totally grossed out
ReplyDeleteCould go either way. I do think you have some great details here in a few words, and they are both telling and creepy. If that's what you are going for, it works.
ReplyDeletethe '...bare buttocks...' did nothing for me, but the rest of the sentence made me sit up.
ReplyDeleteHooked
Um...huh? Not hooked.
ReplyDeletenot feeling it at all
ReplyDeletei laughed at the word davenport. i'm confused. if this is supposed to be a cheeky (no pun intended) robert- downey- jr- as- sherlock- holmes type of mystery it could work. if not, the voice is awkward.
ReplyDeleteFunny. I'm curious.
ReplyDeleteMildly cringe-worthy, but stirring my curiousity. I'd give it a few pages.
ReplyDeleteHooked. I'd read on, just to find out why he's nude.
ReplyDeleteBare butt on a murderer's couch? Too odd.
ReplyDeletewell, I'm not sure. This could maybe be too weird, or it might be hilarious, depending on what comes next.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little freaked out by it...I'd have to read a bit more to see if I was going to read on. :)
ReplyDelete??? First, I thought of bistro for Lustro (maybe I've read too many 25 word beginnings) and then I can't tell if he's sitting or not, alive or dead. Too much confusion for 25 words. Sorry!
ReplyDeleteHooked. My first reaction was eeeew, but I loved your choice of names. (I'm guessing Brinkerhoff is a name, and I liked Lustro, too) I din't know if you're going for campy humor or mystery/suspense, but I'm willing to go along for the ride.
ReplyDeleteEeeeewwww!
ReplyDeleteNot really hooked. A naked guy named Lustro? I'm just hoping it is BROWN leather.
This opening didn't work for me. It's kinda yukked me out.
ReplyDeleteUh... not really, no.
ReplyDeleteWow. I would read on, you bet!
ReplyDeleteWhile I'm intrigued at why he would be there, I'm not really hooked by this. I might read a little further, but not a lot unless something grabbed me.
ReplyDelete