Thursday, March 25, 2010

121 Romantic Suspense

TITLE: Roulette
GENRE: Romantic Suspense


Everyone wants to change something about their life. Mine would be easier without the constant feeling of being watched--and the paranoia that comes with it.

12 comments:

  1. I'm curious. I'd keep reading.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'd keep reading, but it needs to be a tad more specific. Also, instead of "their" life, say "her" or "his" (whichever belongs to viewpoint character.)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Not really hooked.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm on the fence, I'd probably give it a few more sentences but it didn't hook me right away

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sorry... I'm not hooked yet. I think this could be a little stronger. Like:

    "Everyone wants to change something about their life. Mine would be easier if the paranoia stopped." Then go into the exact way he or she kept feeling watched, when it started, and how the life is messed up because of that <- Or something.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I want to know why he/she is being watched. Hooked.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm not hooked, to me it doesn't flow well. Cadence is a real key to a great beginning and this needs to be tweaked.

    I think paranoia is the constant feeling of being watched, so in that case your second sentence contains redundancies.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I wonder if it's a good idea to start us off in a POV of someone who is paranoid. Not hooked as a result.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Not hooked, sorry. It feels too formulaic and uninspired. I want more voice and spark.

    ReplyDelete
  10. The paranoia comment seems redundant

    Didn't grab me. I don't think that starting with a reflective comment works here.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm not hooked either. I did think the second sentence was a little redundant. I'm not saying you need to get your hook in the first 25 words, but the front page is valuable so maybe rewording it a little to make it tighter isn't a bad idea.

    ReplyDelete