Thursday, March 25, 2010

119 Contemporary

TITLE: 468 Miles to Nashville
GENRE: Contemporary


Sixty seconds more until Kay Nelson would be pronounced dead. Fired, actually, but when Grandma Crosby found out, as she undoubtedly would, it wouldn't matter.

9 comments:

  1. Hooked. I could get picky about sentence structure, but I really like the contrast from 'dead' to 'fired, actually'. Strong voice, and I want to know more about Grandma Crosby, for sure!

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  2. I found the first sentence awkward to read. But I was intrigued enough to keep reading.

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  3. I like the humor of this very much. I'd read on.

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  4. A little wordy but I'd read more

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  5. I don't think you need "more" in the first sentence, it makes it read kinda clunky.

    But I'd like to find out just how scary Grandma Crosby is.

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  6. I like the connection between fired and dead. I would read on.

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  7. Almost hooked...but not yet. Can't quite pinpoint what doesn't work for me, sorry.

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  8. Sorry - not hooked.
    The first sentence didn't read smoothly for me- and the jump between dead and fired jarred.

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  9. I liked the contrast between dead and fired too, but I'd remove 'as she undoubtedly would' in the second sentence. I felt like it disrupted the rhythm and it means there's an awful lot of commas in the sentence.

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