Miss Snark's First Victim
Hooked. I could get picky about sentence structure, but I really like the contrast from 'dead' to 'fired, actually'. Strong voice, and I want to know more about Grandma Crosby, for sure!
I found the first sentence awkward to read. But I was intrigued enough to keep reading.
I like the humor of this very much. I'd read on.
A little wordy but I'd read more
I don't think you need "more" in the first sentence, it makes it read kinda clunky. But I'd like to find out just how scary Grandma Crosby is.
I like the connection between fired and dead. I would read on.
Almost hooked...but not yet. Can't quite pinpoint what doesn't work for me, sorry.
Sorry - not hooked.The first sentence didn't read smoothly for me- and the jump between dead and fired jarred.
I liked the contrast between dead and fired too, but I'd remove 'as she undoubtedly would' in the second sentence. I felt like it disrupted the rhythm and it means there's an awful lot of commas in the sentence.