Thursday, March 25, 2010

110 Historical Fiction

TITLE: Ciara’s Tale
GENRE: Historical fiction

Death waited if her secret escaped.

Ciara thrust the dark thought away. It changed nothing. She still didn’t want to be a druidess.


  1. I don't understand the first sentence. Maybe I'm a little slow, but it feels like it's missing a word or two?

  2. Mostly hooked - I would keep reading to find out more. :-)

  3. I'm a little confused by what's here, though the genre and implied timeframe are some of my favorites, so I'd probably keep going. (Unsure on the title though)

  4. The first sentence is confusing at first. Death reads like a person. I think this needs editing, but it's interesting.

  5. Interesting set up, I would keep reading.

    I would likely change the wording a bit on the first sentance to be a bit more clear though. Death could read as both an event and person.

  6. If you turn the first sentence around and replaced the pronoun, it would be clearer: If Ciara's secret escaped, death waited.

    Starting with the word death, may seem intriguing, but if you've looked at many of these entries, you'll notice quite of few of them begin: I died yesterday or Death isn't so bad, etc.etc.

    It was the druid line that caught me. What about staring with:

    Ciara didn't want to be a druidess.

    That immediately sets the reader in the time frame, makes us sympathize with the MC and gives us her lovely name. I'd want to read that!

  7. The first sentence is incomplete and confusing, and I agree with susiej about the death cliche. "Ciara didn't want to be a druidess." would be a winner.

  8. Not hooked yet--the first sentence feels too melodramatic and uninspired. I'm more interesting in why she didn't want to be a druidess.

    I wonder if you could rework it so that is nearer the beginning, then lead into the scene showing us why she doesn't want that and what her secret is.

  9. The first line was confusing. I read Death as a person too.

    I agree with others who say that the most important part of this is that she doesn't want to be a druidess

  10. The first sentence didn't read very clearly to me. I had to re-read it to get a sense of it. I agree with everyone who is saying the druidess part is the most intriguing. Quite a few entries in this comp have mentioned death, but yours is the first druidess :-)