Miss Snark's First Victim
Not hooked. Just get to the story.
You lost me at Child Extermination.
Dark, very dark... I'd probably go a bit further.
Not really hooked.
Not really hooked. I think you could probably find a slightly better opening. The "Hi humans" in particular threw me.
The implication of a dead child (let alone Child Extermination camps) makes this one probably not something I think I'd keep reading. also "Hi Humans" is jarring.
I'm a sucker for anything that sets up a bunch of questions at the beginning. But are you missing a comma in "Hi, humans" ?
This sounds more like MG to me. I would read a little more to see where this is going.
Nope, I'd pass. Not my thing.
I agree with Stina. Get to the story. This beginning seemed a little hokey, imho.
Not hooked, sorry.
I love this! I'd keep reading for sure. I want to know what the narrator is, I want to know about the CECs are, etc. I love the fact that an agent of the CEC is named Candy. LULZ.
Not hooked. I don't want the narrator starting out TELLING me it's going to tell me a story... I would rather just get on with the story.(The darkness didn't bother me, though. The 'let me tell you a story' opening did.)
I agree - I'd prefer to get straight into the story.
I am totally hooked and I know my young students would be as well. I am curious to see where the rest of the story goes because I imagine this can either be really great or . . .
Ooh.. A bit too grim for me.'Hi humans' in the same breath as Child extermination camps is a big ask.
I'd probably give you more time, because there's obviously got a story here. But you haven't got me yet.'Hi' seems like the wrong salutation.