Miss Snark's First Victim
Not really hooked. I would like to know who is shooting who, but I feel like it's all happened before. What about your story is different? What is going to draw people in?
This felt a bit awkward. Possibly because you're missing a comma after "trigger," but also because the following clause feels a little funny and dangling. Maybe it wants to be its own sentence?
Not hooked. But I could be...what's happening makes me curious about what follows. The writing just needs some work. ㋡
I would read more. Comma is needed between "trigger" and "the"
Not quite hooked and the fragmented sentence kills the effect you're going for.
Not really hooked. Last half of the sentence was awkward, and rather than being concerned about the person being shot, I'm hung up wondering if the elevator doors are open or not. I would read on to see who the target was.
No...but I think part of it is the need for a carefully placed comma.
Comma missing...And not really hooked. Would give it another line or two, but the effect is missing for me, even when mentally reading in a comma.
Not hooked, sorry. It feels too much like it's been done (far too much) before. The title would turn me off, too, as being very common. I want something fresher and more unique to pull me in.(As others have said, the missing comma is also a jarring distraction.)
Sorry but this feels warmed-over. If you have something compelling in your next sentence or two, maybe you could move it up. Otherwise, a rework is probably your best option.
This isn't a real sentence and isn't much of a hook.
Not hooked. You're missing a comma after trigger, so I had to go back and read the sentence again to make sense of it.
We need a bit more to be intrigued (and, oh, the cost of that missing comma!).
I'm not quite hooked, slightly curious about why someone is being shot in an elevator, slightly ready for some action, but mostly thinking you need a comma or so to promise great writing.
Not hooked.You've got potential.The grammar needs work.