Miss Snark's First Victim
Not hooked - the world shaking makes me think MC's on the ground, but then you go into the airplane... huge disconnect for me.I like the idea of starting w/ the shaking airplane, though -- definitely plays on a fairly common fear.
I'm hooked, but with the same question--is the plane shaking or is the world shaking?
Hooked. Okay, my eyes skipped past first line but I loved the second. Maybe cut "the world was shaking?"
You can also cut "between my teeth". The verb "biting" implies that.
I'm too busy wondering what an airplane is doing in a historical. Sorry.
Not hooked. Raised too many questions in my mind as I read.
Hm. I guess I'm in the "kinda" camp. The words didn't stick out to me in any major way, but I would want to read on to see what happens to the MC.
If you tightened it a bunch, I might be hooked.
'My world was shaking' might make this more of a personal experience.I agree that there are redundancies in the phrases about gripping and biting