Hooked, but it feels like the tense is switching...if you wore the Converse already, how can you have a feeling that the night will be uncomfortable? Yet I like the image it puts in my head of pink Converse under a pink frilly dress. Perhaps I'm wrong.
Agreee about the tense - this is why I find the past tense so hard - but love the image. Would like to know what shade pink, not quite able to visualise.
Thanks to all who have commented! I agree completely with the tense comments. I've been playing with it, but nothing feels right. I'll continue working with it.
Hooked. Loved the title.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked.
ReplyDeletehooked. love it!
ReplyDeleteHooked, but it feels like the tense is switching...if you wore the Converse already, how can you have a feeling that the night will be uncomfortable? Yet I like the image it puts in my head of pink Converse under a pink frilly dress. Perhaps I'm wrong.
ReplyDeleteAgreee about the tense - this is why I find the past tense so hard - but love the image. Would like to know what shade pink, not quite able to visualise.
ReplyDeleteHave to say I don't love converse with prom dresses but I love the idea it brings to my mind with this little bit. I would keep reading FOR SURE!
ReplyDeleteYes, hooked.
ReplyDeleteI'd keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI'm interested. I'd keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI like this, I'd keep reading. The tense throws me a little for some reason but I'd still read on.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I liked this. I'd keep reading.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter actually did this...well, black converse. I'd read on
ReplyDeletePink Converse plus a sense of foreboding, I'm hooked! :)
ReplyDeleteAlmost hooked--it'd depend on the rest of the opening. I liked the detail about pink Converse, though. ;)
ReplyDeleteThat's a great hook. Love it.
ReplyDeleteThanks to all who have commented! I agree completely with the tense comments. I've been playing with it, but nothing feels right. I'll continue working with it.
ReplyDeleteKinda hard doing future past tense, eh? Worthy effort though.
ReplyDeleteBackseat writer comment here:
'I must have had an inkling that this night would be far from comfortable for me. Maybe that was why I wore my pink *Converse to (the) prom.'
*Converse is not a well known brand here in Oz. This tripped me up for a moment