Thursday, March 25, 2010

62 YA/MG

TITLE: Cape Cod Surprise
GENRE: YA/MG


The diesel rumbled to life beneath Oliver’s bare feet—oh boy, that’d
bring her running.

23 comments:

  1. Definitely wanna keep reading :D

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  2. The writing is nice, but I'm not really hooked.

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  3. I like the action of the moment, I would keep reading. :)

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  4. I would keep reading. Like the details like bare feet.

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  5. I like this voice. I'd read on. I also wonder who the girl is he's waiting for. Nice job.

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  6. Voice, details, the amount of imagery packed into so few words.

    I'd read on.

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  7. I liked the voice and details. I'd read a few more paras

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  8. Partially hooked -- it felt a bit disjointed, but it's nicely in the moment.

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  9. I like it. I think it could be stronger, but I do think I'd read on.

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  10. I'm definitely curious about what's going on here. I'd read on for sure. I like the bare feet detail too.

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  11. Not sure. I'm curious but I don't think I'd read on.

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  12. Not sure. Would read a little further.

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  13. Not really hooked but I'd give it a few more paragraphs.

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  14. This is great! I was hooked. Well done, IMHO.

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  15. Love your voice--hooked me in.

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  16. Not hooked. I'm thinking a guy and his car and his girlfriend?

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  17. Not hooked, but curious and would keep reading further. But if it's MG and he can drive... you got some explaining to do!

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  18. Not really, since I'm a bit confused (a diesel WHAT? bring WHO running?) more than intrigued. Nice voice, though.

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  19. Er… maybe? I'd give it another line or two.

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  20. huh?

    Nice sentence but not as an opener that gets me to read the next sentence and then the next...

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