Miss Snark's First Victim
Not hooked. The flight attendant doesn't have a name? Or a gender? Having had a job in which fake smiles and aching feet were normal, it's going to take more than that to hook me.
I like this. I'm willing to wait for her name.
Strong sentences. But may not be hooky enough for the slush pile. I might read on.
Why no name if she's the POV character?Doesn't seem to be much going on here, so I'd proably mosey along to another book.
The 2nd sentence is too wordy. I think "But faking a smile was part of the job" would suffice. Interested, but not completely hooked
A smile can't really be a semblance of humanity, can it? I think I get what you're trying to say, but it's not quite there. The situation is too ordinary to interest me.
Good writing, but I'm not quite hooked yet. I'd read on for more before I made a final decision.
i'm wondering how you're going to connect an urban fantasy to the flight attendant. for the simple reason that i'm intrigued by disasters on planes, i'd read on.
Not hooked. I'd probably read on a bit more before deciding to not read, but it'd need to pick up soon to hook me.
I'm not hooked. Describing the character as "the flight attendant" felt a bit too wordy.
Curious enough to give it a few more sentences. I want to know what the flight attendant's species is. (grin)
Ahh, took me a second or third read to get your use of "humanity" here. I like it better knowing that, but I wonder if it's a little too subtle? I'd read the next line to see if you hit me with more tension.
not hooked, but i'd read a few more sentences to see if the writer could change that.
Not hooked. I see a tired flight attendant.
Meh. I'd read a little more to see what was going on.
I love UF, so I might give it a bit more to see if it grabbed me, but these lines really don't.